Lunch with LadyCleve

and how I miss being unattached.....

I have noticed that I blog in spurts. I will have periods of motivation and then spells of apathy. I'm trying to force my self to get up and get out but as all who have been pregnant know, the last few weeks just seems to drag by. So please humor my strange posts.....I should probablly just email you, but I think it will be a blog since I have very little to talk about.....maybe this will get my thoughts flowing...

LadyCleve Link and I realized that our husbands were/are in the same unit....my husband left before her husband arrived. We decided to meet for lunch. It was a lot of fun and she is as nice in person as she is online. I hope to see her again....

The only bad part.....I am forced to admit that my days of long, leisurely lunches are over. In the short time we were there, I think I spent more time trying to be "mom" and keep my son out of trouble, than I did talking. (For that I am sooo sorry. I hope you were not offended) I realize that I am in that stage of life. The one where my life practically revolves around my kids. They are too small to be left alone and I am too broke to pay a babysitter AND go out. Sigh.

i think the differece is more noticable when I am around "non-parents". I know that my friends with kids understand when my son gets stir-crazy in a restraunt. But I wonder, if those who are not in this stage of life (or those who are done whith this) get irritated ever so slightly at the antics of 2 year olds in public places.

Normally, I keep a tight reign on my son's activities and behavior in social settings. However, the bigger I get, the less motivation I have to deal with it and it makes me wonder, "what will life be like when I have a baby occuping my attention?" Right now, I can deal with any behaviour issues reasonably easily. I don't like to think of my son's terrible two's and a newborn. Sigh.

2 weeks ago, I was having a ball. A week ago, all I wanted was to get this baby out....right then. I know it was still a bit early, but I was done. Now, I am almost scared to have her. not because I am scared of labor or frightened of pain. But because my life is about to change in so many ways...I don't like change. i can deal with it, but it makes me nervous. Gone are the days when I could cuddle my newborn and sleep on the couch if I was up all night. No. I have a crazy, energetic 2 year old. I can't just lay around. I have lunch to make and laundry and dishes and preschool to drive him to and no husband to give me a break.....Yeah. I'm scared. I wonder if I am ready to have this baby. At least now, I have my hands free and I dont' have to worry about diapers and feedings and colic and sleepless nights. Well, I do have sleepless nights, but there is no crying involved. My house is a disaster, I am in no way ready to have this child come home yet.

Sigh. I worry that this feeling of impending doom and the end of my life means that I will be hit with postpartum depression. And that scares me. I dont' want to be one of those woment that either can't handle life or worse yet, thinks of hurting thier child.

This all started with a lunch date and turned into a hormonally induced panic attack. Unfortunately the hormones are hard to ignore. sorry.

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