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philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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How Easy It is to Rip One's Penis

September 14, 2005 11:32:04 AM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
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Alright, so this just caught my eye as I was busy killing the three hours between my classes, and trying to put off a much-anticipated showdown with the accounts receivable department of the particular institution I attend. It seems especially fitting since my first soccer game of the new fall season is tonight at 6:30.

(I'd ask you to wish me luck, but we're playing a team from the Pharmacy School. We being a contingent known as IFC, or Internationale Football Club, made up of members from Argentina, Colombia, Mexico, El Salvador, Spain, Latvia, Nigeria, Iraq, Italy, and the United States, as well as some others which I'm sure I've forgotten. As I said, the team we are playing is from the Pharmacy School. If you're going to wish luck, I ask in all sincerity that you send it their way, for we will fall upon them like starving barbarians on a wayward pack of mostly injured gazelle. But I digress.)

I am, as I said, looking to kill some time, and I happened on this story. It appears that Chavdar Yankow, who plays professionally in Europe, was tackled during a game. No biggie. Except the tackle happened to rip his penis open. Opened a 3-inch gash. 3 INCHES!!! Now, I believe that the average penis size for men is 6 inches, roughly twice the length of said gash. I would, at this moment, like everyone to perform an exercise in order to more fully understand the gravity of the situation.

Those of you among my readers who happen to be male, I would like you to drop your pants, and any underwear you may be wearing, and look at your penis. As I am assuming that everyone is average, I would now like you to imagine it ripped open for half of its length, starting at either the base or the tip, I'm really not picky, as either way should be rather excruciating for you to even think about. For my readers who happen to be female, I'd like you to journey to your local penis and then attempt the exercise exactly as I have delineated it above.

For those of you females unsure of how to approach a penis to request what may seem to be an "odd" experiment, I suggest you take the following action: Approach the owner of the penis and say "I want to see your penis." Ali Baba could not find a better magic phrase.

Now that we've all become acquainted with the true gravity of the situation, I would like to further mention that said soccer player who got his penis ripped open promptly proceeded to get himself stitched up. He then returned to the field, where he scored (the only scoring he'll do for awhile) for his side in a 2-0 victory. This just brought to my mind the wrongly held stereotype that soccer is a safe and courteous sport (hooliganism notwithstanding). To proponents of this theory, I hold up this story as a bright and shining middle finger of truth. And I suggest a new marketing slogan for American soccer, one that is sure to rile up public support amongst a nation of fans that flock to the much-padded violence of American football:

"Soccer: You can rip our penis open, but we still manage to score."

Amen.
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philomedy
Toblerone
Join Date 01/2005
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Reply #1 September 14, 2005 12:10:47 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Eye. Watering.



Owch...
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philomedy
Moderateman
Join Date 11/2004
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Reply #2 September 14, 2005 12:12:42 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww................
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philomedy
Cordelia
Join Date 07/2002
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Reply #3 September 14, 2005 12:24:43 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
"I want to see your penis." Ali Baba could not find a better magic phrase.

...I hold up this story as a bright and shining middle finger of truth.


You are hilarious. I assume, of course, that I am only laughing because I am female and have not yet taken it upon myself to perform the task you set me.



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philomedy
Texas Wahine
Join Date 08/2004
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Reply #4 September 14, 2005 12:45:48 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
I have given birth to two children. Both times I required stitches to sew up the traumas to my "birthing region". Hehe, I don't think it's quite fair to hold up the male penis as some sort of specially sensitive area that women just cannot understand (not saying that you have done that, but it's a pretty common sentiment).

There's a woman somewhere getting stitches down below as I type this. We don't have to look at a penis to understand this. I promise.

Witty article, btw.
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philomedy
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #5 September 14, 2005 1:08:22 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Tex, if you only knew!  Ouch!  What a footballer!  That is dedication!
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philomedy
KarmaGirl
Join Date 03/2001
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Reply #6 September 14, 2005 1:39:16 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

Opened a 3-inch gash. 3 INCHES!!! Now, I believe that the average penis size for men is 6 inches, roughly twice the length of said gash.

You assume the gash was straight.  What if it actually spirals around instead?  Think of somebody grabbing really hard and pulling having the skin tear in the process.

There...I think I was able to make the imagery worse...my work here is done......

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philomedy
lemonlime
Join Date 04/2005
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Reply #7 September 14, 2005 2:39:13 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
hmm...can I see your penis?
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philomedy
philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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Reply #8 September 14, 2005 2:48:20 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
You are hilarious. I assume, of course, that I am only laughing because I am female and have not yet taken it upon myself to perform the task you set me


If only you knew what excruciating sentiments the mere thought of something like this happening to a penis makes every man in the world feel...

And thank you, your kind words are much appreciated.
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philomedy
philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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Reply #9 September 14, 2005 2:50:53 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
I have given birth to two children. Both times I required stitches to sew up the traumas to my "birthing region". Hehe, I don't think it's quite fair to hold up the male penis as some sort of specially sensitive area that women just cannot understand (not saying that you have done that, but it's a pretty common sentiment).

There's a woman somewhere getting stitches down below as I type this. We don't have to look at a penis to understand this. I promise.

Witty article, btw.


My apologies if I've come off as sexo-centric here I know you're not accusing me of such, but still I want to throw that in there for anyone who might.

To be completely honest, I'm a very "stream of consciousness" type writer, and at the moment that I wrote this, I was not so much thinking of whether or not a woman's anatomy could adequately prepare her to understand this type of predicament or pain, as much as I was thinking that "journey to your local penis" was a freaking hilarious phrase that I had to somehow get in the article.
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philomedy
philomedy
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Reply #10 September 14, 2005 2:53:42 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
What a footballer! That is dedication!


I sit here thinking...hmm...perhaps it's a good thing I didn't become a pro at this...

You assume the gash was straight. What if it actually spirals around instead? Think of somebody grabbing really hard and pulling having the skin tear in the process.

There...I think I was able to make the imagery worse...my work here is done......


You've obviously thought long and hard (hehehe, get it? Long and hard? Oh yeah) about how to mangle a penis
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philomedy
philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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Reply #11 September 14, 2005 2:57:07 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
hmm...can I see your penis?


Anytime

Although I don't know if I want to compete with Myspace Penis Guy (no one else is gonna get that lol)
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philomedy
philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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Reply #12 September 14, 2005 2:59:20 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Eye. Watering.



Owch...

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww................

Tex, if you only knew! Ouch!


I will be holding a candlelight vigil for Chavdar Yankow's penis later tonight. All are welcome to attend.
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philomedy
lemonlime
Join Date 04/2005
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Reply #13 September 14, 2005 3:04:19 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Although I don't know if I want to compete with Myspace Penis Guy


hahaha, yea I don't blame you there. He is quite confident about his little guy.

(no one else is gonna get that lol)


lol. eh, it's okay. I'm sure no one is all that interested.
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philomedy
philomedy
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Reply #14 September 14, 2005 3:08:08 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

hahaha, yea I don't blame you there. He is quite confident about his little guy.


lol hey...I am too...he can move mountains...

lol. eh, it's okay. I'm sure no one is all that interested.


And even if they are, we won't tell them! It's our inside joke!
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philomedy
lemonlime
Join Date 04/2005
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Reply #15 September 14, 2005 3:17:42 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
lol hey...I am too...he can move mountains...


ahahahahahahaha!!!! Really? Can he now? That's quite a talent. How long did it take you to teach him that?
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philomedy
KarmaGirl
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Reply #16 September 14, 2005 3:43:18 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

You've obviously thought long and hard (hehehe, get it? Long and hard? Oh yeah) about how to mangle a penis

har,har...bad joke.

But yes- I'm sure any woman who has had a bad end to a relationship has had bad thoughts concerning the man's penis.  Of course, I kept hoping that my ex-fiance's balls would fall off.  Oddly enough, about a year after he dumped me, he found out that he had testicular cancer and had to have one removed and the other didn't fare too well after radiation.  Poor guy.  He still has most of his parts- they just don't quiet work anymore....... 

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philomedy
drmiler
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #17 September 14, 2005 4:49:57 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
have given birth to two children. Both times I required stitches to sew up the traumas to my "birthing region". Hehe, I don't think it's quite fair to hold up the male penis as some sort of specially sensitive area that women just cannot understand (not saying that you have done that, but it's a pretty common sentiment).


There are over 4000 nerve endings in a male penis. Giving brith is no small matter and from what I'm told is quite painful. But think of "ripping" through that many nerve ending and you might get a better insight to what we talk about when it comes to that.
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philomedy
MarcieMoo
Join Date 07/2004
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Reply #18 September 14, 2005 5:08:39 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
There are over 4000 nerve endings in a male penis. Giving brith is no small matter and from what I'm told is quite painful. But think of "ripping" through that many nerve ending and you might get a better insight to what we talk about when it comes to that.



That's a whole lot of dead ends!

Ummm...okay...well...I've never given birth, and I've never even had sex, but I know that when Dr. Monroe comes at me with that condom-covered ultrasound wand to get a good look at my ovaries, it freakin HURTS. HURTS. Although I think the 3 inch gash on a penis would hurt worse, mind you...but still.
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philomedy
Texas Wahine
Join Date 08/2004
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Reply #19 September 14, 2005 5:17:42 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Philomedy:
My apologies if I've come off as sexo-centric here I know you're not accusing me of such, but still I want to throw that in there for anyone who might.


Naw, you don't come of that way at all. Hehe...but comments on this thread did inspire me to write an article of my own.

drmiler:
There are over 4000 nerve endings in a male penis. Giving brith is no small matter and from what I'm told is quite painful. But think of "ripping" through that many nerve ending and you might get a better insight to what we talk about when it comes to that.


Well, I asked my husband about this...he's a medic and has studied anatomy extensively...according to him (and I can scratch around the net and find info to back this up if you want) females have MORE nerve endings in their genitalia than do men.

I'm not saying what this dude went through wasn't painful, but I don't buy that the penis is some sort of sacred, magical organ and women can't possibly fathom the pain of its injury.
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philomedy
shadesofgrey
Join Date 02/2004
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Reply #20 September 14, 2005 5:22:13 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Well, I asked my husband about this...he's a medic and has studied anatomy extensively...according to him (and I can scratch around the net and find info to back this up if you want) females have MORE nerve endings in their genitalia than do men.


A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.
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philomedy
drmiler
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #21 September 14, 2005 10:01:00 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Well, I asked my husband about this...he's a medic and has studied anatomy extensively...according to him (and I can scratch around the net and find info to back this up if you want) females have MORE nerve endings in their genitalia than do men.


Okay, now imagine taking a full on hit to this "particular" piece of your anatomy. And for the record, I NEVER said a female couldn't understand about the associated pain.

A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.


And the injury sustained by this guy would be akin to a female ripping her vaginal opening in the vicinity of the clitoris.
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philomedy
philomedy
Join Date 10/2004
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Reply #22 September 14, 2005 10:08:34 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
How this became a medical discussion I'll never understand
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philomedy
foreverserenity
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #23 September 15, 2005 9:38:32 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
But yes- I'm sure any woman who has had a bad end to a relationship has had bad thoughts concerning the man's penis


Remember the Loraine Bobbit incident? That was some revenge!


I can't imagine what a 3inch gash on any man's penis would be like...ouch! But I also can't believe he just got up and went right back into the game!
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philomedy
Dr Guy
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #24 September 27, 2005 2:41:37 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

A quick search showed that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris.

Show off!

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