Started studying Paradise Lost in English. Pretty sure we hadn't even opened the book and this girl with the record for Highest GPA Without Ever Opening Her Mind said something ridiculous about how Satan couldn't be a tragic hero because "he's bad." Somehow it turned into a fight between her and I over whether it was possible for someone to truly regret and not repent. She's convinced that it isn't possible because somehow the human emotion of regret is defined as submission to God when realizing you're wrong. That's the definition for repentance. Regret is knowing that you're wrong and being sorry. I can truly be sorry for all the mistakes I've made because I put people through so much shit. But I would never take it back for all the lessons learned along the way. Somehow this girl thinks that perhaps I am the human equivalent of Satan because I won't take any of it back. This is the same girl who told me I was cool last year and this year gives me looks and whispers 'freak' under her breath when she sees me. Is it because I don't live my life submissively, carrying a Bible everywhere and wearing plain clothing with no print on it anywhere, in pastels and khakis? Is it the fact that I don't own a single Jesus Fish tee shirt but I still feel strong in faith? Is it because I know what it's like to live on the other side, to live in the darkness of candlelit circles trying to summon down a moon that never listens to me? Is it because I still love all my Wiccan friends and never mention Christianity in relation to myself to anyone? Does it even matter why? Maybe I'm wrong, what do I know? I'm a sinner. I couldn't possibly know what it's like.