I'm the guy who hides it all. You see me walking in the halls, staring at the floor as you pass me. I pretend my dad never beat me. I pretend he actually cared. I see him sitting in the stands the night I won my first little league game. I see him there, but then I snap back to reality and the figment is gone; all I see is the floor tile.
I'm the girl who you see in the cafeteria during 7th hour. I'm the girl who's emotionally abused by my ex. He makes me come over during lunch hour and sleep with him. He has me so much under his grasp, that I'm scared of what will happen. What will happen if I tell him no? I told one person my secret and she promised it wouldn't get out. I want to tell him no, but I can't. I've got a pretty smile, but my head hangs low and sometimes I want to kill myself.
I'm the guy you see walking to work everyday. I'm the one who tried drugs a year ago and couldn't put it down since. I'm the guy who risks my life to get my fix. I tell you I'm alright. And, I will be, as soon as I smoke my next joint.
I'm the girl you see working at Shopko. I'm the girl who's been in so many unstable relationships, yet I can never hate any of them. They've wronged me so badly, and yet I forgive them so easily. I'm the girl who tried to kill herself a year ago. Downed a whole bottle of tylenol. My psych said I should check into the ward for 3 weeks. I'm thinking about it now. I'm the girl who hurts so bad, I can't handle it. I feel like I'm alone in the world and there's nothing I can do. I'm the girl next to you who just wants to be loved and respected.
I'm your neighbor. I'm the kid who wears tons of eyeliner and baggy pants. My nose, my lips, eyebrows and ears, all peirced. The pain brought comfort. I'm the kid who hopes you never figure me out, 'cuz if you did, you might just die from the pain you see. You might just die from all the true horror stories I could tell you.
I'm the man who cheated on his wife. You see me everyday at the office. In a "moment of madness" I lost it all. My wife, my daughters and son. I lost their respect, and their love. I think about it every day and every night. Every waking minute is spent thinking about this resounding mistake. And every sleeping moment is spent dreaming about it. Dreaming about my family, my dignity, my mistakes.
Sad thing is, I'm sure these are all true. I've seen two of them, at least. While I go on smiling, in my nice little world, these people are hurting... suicidal... they just want to be loved. They just want to go back and start over. They just want to erase the hurt from their past.
~Sarah
