I have that feeling again. Like I could take on the world. Hmm, what sparked this once more may have to do with my photography. I was at WalMart and this guy who worked there helped me out cropping/sharpening my pictures. He told me that doing them at WalMart was much better than at home because the ones you do at home starts to fade and all that great shit. It was so funny, though, in one of my pictures, he's like, "Is that you?" haha... I'm like, "Yeah, with my hair-straightened and make-up on." He told me I posed well in a certain picture. Okay, so I'm obsessing. No, don't worry, I don't have a crush on him, either. He's about my dad's age. But, he was telling me how he's been a photographer for 30 years and that he owns modeling companies in New York and I think he said one in California (something like that). He said he just signed in some play-boy model (not saying he's great for doing that, but just showing how "high" he is in the business) for an agency. So, I felt special that he was actually talking to me and giving me tips about photography. I think I'll just skip being a journalist and become a photgrapher. Gosh, it would be awesome.
As dumb as it sounds I still have this nagging that it would be so much fun to become a model. Think of the $$$... Mr. what's his face told me that runway models can make about $300,000.00 in a weekend. *sigh* I'd have more confidence if I were taller. I can always lose weight, but unfortunately I can't just make myself grow. Maybe 5'8" is enough for some agencies.
I'd also like to have an acting career someday. I don't voice these hopes all that often, because I know they're based on unrealistic expectations. Deep down I know I couldn't make it, but even deeper down I still wish there was hope that I could. Knowing, really knowing you could is an awesome feeling. I get that sometimes. I know I could. But then it seems that's only false hope.
And sometimes I think I'll be a musician. This drive within me is hardly containable, and I go through whims. It's awful the passion that I have about certain things that will never happen. It's hard pretending I don't care. It's hard knowing I'll probably never be good enough to really "make it" at something.
But, like Joel said in one of his latest blogs, it's all about being creative and taking a different route. It's about being different and knowing what you want and going for it. It's about self-motivation and determination. I have the drive. Now I just need to finish high school and get my life somewhat organized and then I can start thinking about these things.
Well, maybe someday... someday... maybe...
Oh, oh, oh... someone online told me that one of my poems was better than most musician's lyrics. That made me happy. But, umm, that was after he thought I was a guy and into hot topic goth stuff and listened to nine inch nails. It was a... umm... love poem.
That's all for now. I'll make my claim to fame one day. I will.
~Sarah
