The system is totally screwed

Sorry to hear about your situation.  This is a terrible time for you and your wife to be so stressed.

Can you get a bank loan to get you through til your wife is working again?

Definitely look for a better job, guy.  $2k a month for a family of 5 ain't gonna cut it.

well....with 2k a month, we CAN make it, and we do pretty good for ourselves....BUT, saying that....I am trying to get a better job. I have been trying to get into management, and I am on the "verge" of making it....just a matter of time, really. And management starts at about 40k a year.

The problem I am having with "the system", is that we really do try. We both work...40 (sometimes more) hours a week. I pay my taxes....so why isn't "the system" there to help me when I need it? I am not looking for a handout...I am just asking for some of my money back....

as far as a disibility claim............how would she do that? Serious question...who would she talk to about that? At her job, she became a manager (McDonalds...she is going to college to go into Radiation Therapy), but she has not been a manager long enough to get any thing from them....

As for the whole situation, we will somehow come through it...we always do. Just not sure as to how.

Someone mentioned to me tonight, maybe about going to the Salvation Army for assistance with the utilities or the house payment for the couple months she will not be working. Does anyone know if the Salvation Army does that anymore? Even if we got help to just help pay part of the utilities, I would be much more at ease....

And thanks for the comments....I really do appreciate them.

Chris

As far as the taxes thing goes...do you actually pay in?

With your income level and 2 children (3 on your 05 filing), you guys should be receiving the child tax credit. You should be getting every penny you paid in back, and then some.

Is this not happening for you?

Regardless, I sincerely do hope you're able to get some assistance to get you through the time your wife is out of work. I know this must put tremendous pressure on both of you at time that should be filled with joy. Best wishes.

regarding disability: doesn't her employer deduct some sorta disability insurance payment from her check? if so, it seems she'd be able to collect benefits for whatever time she's physically unable to work. perhaps you should start by talking to her physician?

That 1,000 dollars a month is after taxes...and it is anywhere between 500-550 (sometimes a little more). I work at my Walmart....I am (thinking) that I am within a year of getting into management (which would take me to salary, and that would be 40k a year). My wife works at McDonalds, been there for about almost 5 years...she is a manager (but not a manager long enough, along with needing to go to a couple 3-day classes out of state, that we cannot afford for her to go to to get disability).

It is all going to work out in the end, I guess....I have some stocks I will be able to draw upon (so many times, the Stock Program at Walmart has kept us out of trouble). Really, it is just a matter of time until I am able to get into management....just a few more managers to impress, then I am "in there!"

Tex is right, we do get the child tax credit.....BUT....if I am remembering correctly, we have to claim any assistance on our tax return, so that would still come out of that. But really, that is not my point...the point is, the system rewards those who don't work (and basically, refuse to work), while "penalizing" those that do. We are the "working poor", "the forgotten", and we are the ones that fall through the cracks, and the ones that the politicians (whether the politician be republican or democrat) don't care about.

Yesterday we had a meeting with our case worker. Basically, I couldn't even make minimum wage and get help. Somehow, I feel that that is a seriously screwed up situation.

But...we will make it through....we always do....that is one thing about my wife....she sticks by me through some of the toughest times in our lives....and she is still here, standing right next to me. Too bad my government who I pay taxes to won't.

Personally, I am still amazed that 1,000 dollars a month is more than enough to take care of a family of 5....but....I guess, somehow, it is....

Chris

Oh well....she is living off my tax money, living good....I guess that is all that matters in the end.

A well learned lesson...social services workers are the biggest welfare recipients you'll find.

I think a better system would revolve around privatizing social security, and tying "welfare" benefits for the working poor to their social security accounts.

But what do I know?

Well....

1. This was not really planned....we are happy to have the new baby (gonna be a girl this time)....but, not really planned.

2. 9 months ago, we did not know that we would not get *some* assistance....

3. 9 months ago, we thought my wife would get disability, but that changed about a month ago

4. even if we knew back then that the state would not assist us, we would still have the child. I do not believe that abortion is right....and I would not do that.

Stute, my point is this....yes, the responsibility is ours to take care of our children.....I have no problem with that, really....OTHER than, I see ppl EVERY day abusing the system. I see my brother in law refusing to work, but getting 600+ dollars in cash assistance, 500+ dollars a month in food stamps....and they only have 2 kids. My point is this....why reward those who refuse to work, while refusing to help those that do?

Once my wife gets back to work, we will be fine....it is the 1 1/2 months or so that she is not able to work that is hurting us at the moment.

We tried to "prepare" for this...but a couple months ago, we had to use daycare, and we were stretched very thin, and it put us behind. We dropped the daycare, I changed my hours to 2nd shift (a shift I abhor), and we climbed our way back out of the pit we were in....WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE....I was just hoping we could get a little bit of help while my wife is not able to work due to doctor's orders....

Of course it is our responsibility....but isn't it also Jimmy's (my brother in law) responsibility to get off his lazy ass and get a job, instead of living on welfare?

That is my issue here....I guess not so much that *I* am not getting the help, but that ppl that really don't deserve it are getting all the help in the world...and the politicians just sit around and do absolutely nothing about it, but rather, focus on keeping them on welfare to keep themselves in office.

I am not sure what you are really asking me, though....are you asking me if we would have an abortion? Because, this hardship is only temporary (while she is not able to work).....

Besides, I am taking 3 weeks off once the baby is born. I have 4 weeks of sick pay I can use, so I am going to use 3 of them to spend time with my wife, 2 boys, and my new baby girl....

the problems we are having, I don't think, are just having kids....we both make enough "together" to care for our kids....they have a nice home, they have good clothes, they have heat, food, water....we have vehicles to take them where they need to go....we have what we need....and what we want to an extent....

the problems we are having are from the temporary immediate situation of her not being able to work right now. Once she is back to work, we will be fine....it is just RIGHT NOW, we are having trouble, due to her not being able to work.

As far as having kids, and being prepared....I don't feel that you can ever be totally prepared for expenses with kids....unless you were a multimillionare or whatever....and I love my kids wtih a love that goes beyond what I want....I want my kids to have a good life....

When my wife became pregnant...we were not "trying" (other than doing what causes it, and we think we might know what that is by now.... ). We were using birth control....and, even, she tried to get the doctor to "tie her tubes" when we had our last child more than 3 years ago....but the doctor refused for some reason....

I think it is much harder raising kids, using the proper punishment, training them, and so on, than it is to give them the financial support. With the finances, I just go to work....with the rest of parenting....I have to go "into myself" for the solution...and that is the hard part...."Am I being too strict....not strict enough...." Those are the questions I struggle with more than anything....

Just right now, our money is much more than tight due to only me being able to work...

As far as when you should have kids.....when you feel you can take care of them emotionally, spiritually, AND financially.....I just know you will not trully know what it personally means to be a father (or a mother) until you hold your little baby boy or girl in your arms and look him or her in the face....or while he sleeps in your arms....or while he kisses his fist and punches you in the face while wrestling on the living room floor with him....



Chris

I wish I had some good advice for you. My wife and I are dealing with a similar situation. She is 4 months pregnant with Triplets. She has been off work for almost two months now. We are just finally getting all of her disability paperwork filed.

She will receive 60% of her salary. Sounds great, right? Not really. By filing for disability she has enacted the Family Medical Leave Act. This provides for 12 weeks off from work to be sick or take care of someone who is. She has a short and long term disability plan. The Short covers the first 12 weeks and then the long term should kick in. It won’t.

At the end of the FMLA time the company will terminate her. She will no longer be eligible for benefits. We will have to put her on Cobra and not have any of her income. (I'll add her to my insurance before the babies are born but we need the coverage from her policy)

I am behind the 8 ball right this moment. I just have to get by a couple of more months and all of my plans will come through but we didn't count on her being sent home as early as she was.

It sucks to be in a situation where you could use a helping hand and our system of government only allows for handouts.

Sounds like you already know it but, it’s only money.

Here is an update....

Azaria Rose Beller was born 9-12-06, at 7:51 pm. She weighs 6 lbs 13 oz, and is 19" long. She has been giving her Mom birth pains for about 2 weeks before she finally decided she was ready to enter the world.

Her mother is doing good....4 pushes, and she was out and crying....no tears, no stitches needed....

Here is a little poem I just wrote....


There’s More Than I Can Say

- dedicated and written for my baby girl, Azaria Rose Beller

You were born on September twelve
I held you close to my heart as my pride began to swell
I couldn’t help but smile when I heard you cry
Untold thoughts of love, when I looked into your eyes

Here am I
Much more than I could say
My heart skips a beat
Whenever I say your name
Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My angel of my life
There’s so much more than I can say
When I look into your eyes

How can I…how can I be your Dad
How could I help create something beautiful like that
But there you are wrapped up in my arms so tight
Untold thoughts of love, when I look into your eyes

Here am I
Much more than I could say
My heart skips a beat
Whenever I say your name
Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My angel of my life
There’s so much more than I can say
When I look into your eyes

Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My precious little one
There’s more than I can say
And it is called….love….