Blogging Andy Rooney Style

The right turn on red was invented to enhance ticket revenue; too often motorists are fined for failing to make a complete stop before turning. …My very first traffic violation many years ago was in not stopping at a yellow light; …I wouldn’t advise anyone now even to slow down, let alone make a full stop, lest you cause a massive pileup from behind.…Those who are illiterate still smoke — unaware of the Surgeon General’s Warning on the pack — and usually Camels because the icon is so familiar. …Why doesn’t the freezer have a light in it — in this tech society they can’t make a bulb to withstand low temperature? Then how is it the light outside the door and Christmas lights don’t freeze and burst? Speaking of freezers — except for the new models that are parallel — why are they on top …while you have to bend over for the refrigerator section thirty times a day? …When you bought Turbo Tax in the old days, Intuit automatically sent you updated floppies, now you have to download the update, waiting an hour and half for the download. And then you’re continually hounded to update again and again. …Now that I’ve mentioned downloading, is Microsoft ever going to get it right and end the chore of downloading corrections indefinitely? … Did you ever try to print on both sides of the paper for a large document, and when you start on the even pages the printer jams or feeds an extra page? — total disaster!…What if Janet Jackson bared both boobs, would CBS have blacked out the second half?…Are Christian Fundamentalist envious of Iraq’s Grand Ayatollah Sistani because he wants a “democratic” Theocracy? …Will Martha Stewart’s daughter wear the crown or will Martha conduct her business from behind bars?…Or will Donald Trump on “Apprentice” interview candidates to take control of the falling empire?…How about Raymond’s little dictator mother?...Tangled Wishes, too, would make a f …good Martha.…Does it really matter who runs Disney? — after all, Mickey is still king.…What if your grandmother rolled up to the house in her ‘36 Ford coupe to take her great-grandchildren for a ride, and packed them into the rumble seat as she did her own kids in the good old days, would you object or would squeeze yourself in with them? …Well, enough of this. …Eat your heart out, Andy.

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