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thatoneguyinslc
Join Date 07/2004
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Thatoneguyinslc's Rant of the Week

Like you didn't see this coming.

December 14, 2005 3:39:18 PM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
You know what I hate?

1. Fat people that meander through Costco: How can two human asses block a 14 foot aisle? Answer: Simple! Put a free sausage sample cart in the middle of it! Join a gym you fat bastards.

2. People who dress their pets for the holidays: Either have kids, or seek serious fucking psychiatric help. And stop sending me pictures of them. You know who you are!

3. Karl Rove: To quote Lee Ermey in "Full Metal Jacket"... You fat slimy walrus-looking piece of shit! The dogs are on your ass turd blossom. You are an embarrassment to the people of Utah and the rest of the country as well. You had better pray that Scooter doesn't sell you out. A big soft white boy like you is worth at least a carton a night in Leavenworth. "Tossed salad" anyone?

4. The Starschmucks X-Mas CD: Kenny G? Aaaaaah! Make it stop! Make it stop!! How many bullets will it take to end the madness?

5. WAL-MART: I know that I pick on them a lot...Just a reminder, don't shop there!! There are plenty of other reputable retailers to buy your holiday crap from.

6. Rogelio Molina: This is the guy who killed a man while drunk and cracked out right in front of me. If I ever catch up with him, I'm going to rip his nuts off like a paper towel. I've never felt like killing anyone before, but I might make an exception for him.

7. The entire state of Idaho: It's nothing personal...But I hate you. Learn how to drive.

8. The clerk who looks like an evil troll at the SLCPD: I came in for a license renewal, not a prostate exam. I still feel dirty.

9. People who say "happy holidays" for no reason: The next moron who does it gets bitch-smacked repeatedly.

10. Christmas: Yeah... I said it. I HATE Christmas! So now I'm going to hell because i've made baby Jeebus cry? Fuck that! It's not about Jeebus any more kids. It's about the almighty dollar and blatant consumerism. Stop buying the hype. And while we are at it... Stop buying presents in October!! That just ain't right.


Thanks for reading,
thatoneguyinslc
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thatoneguyinslc
thatoneguyinslc
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Reply #1 December 14, 2005 3:43:54 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
*BuMp*
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Reply #2 December 14, 2005 3:47:12 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
1. Fat people that meander through Costco: How can two human asses block a 14 foot aisle? Answer: Simple! Put a free sausage sample cart in the middle of it! Join a gym you fat bastards.


As a fat person who used to meander through Costco...and also as a fat person who continues to meander through public places, I *never* stop at the sample cart. I think they're gross. And unfortunately, this fat bastard can't afford the $30 for a gym membership at the moment.
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thatoneguyinslc
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Reply #3 December 14, 2005 3:51:56 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Hey, my beef is really with Costco...That and the fact some people think "free samples" mean " all you can eat buffet". Still, they need to get the fuck out of everybody's way.
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Locamama
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #4 December 14, 2005 3:59:12 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
funny stuff -

yeah for the blocking the aisle thing you don't have to be huge, what I love is when people have their cart on one side of the aisle and then stand there staring at the same section forever and block the other side and then give me a look when I very nicely say "excuse me, can I get around you?" - clueless people annoy me. Or how about the people who just slowly wander through the parking lot and don't even bother to walk to the side so cars can get past they just slowly walk down the middle of the road. ahhhhh!!!!
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MarcieMoo
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Reply #5 December 14, 2005 4:05:49 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
lol...did you see chirpj's article on CostCo? I'm glad to be back in the land of Sam's club. CostCo was just that...alot of COST. I think Sam's is cheaper.

That and the fact some people think "free samples" mean " all you can eat buffet".


yeah...that's a little ridiculous. I think its funny in Vegas that people will drop $500 in the slots so they can get a free buffet. DUH? lol
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Silver_and_Jade_Tears
Join Date 09/2004
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Reply #6 December 14, 2005 4:09:10 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
7. The entire state of Idaho: It's nothing personal...But I hate you. Learn how to drive.

Up here where it's three lanes on I-15, mixed with Idaho drivers (which we seem to get hundreds of every day), well, let's just say I have flipped off more than a few people.

They get in the fast lane and the passing lane, and STAY THERE! They don't pass, and their max speed is around 60. They also don't have a clue about blinkers, turning left, or anything else! The worst ones are the ones that have trailers or motorhomes.

Where do they learn to drive, at a seniors center?

Sorry, that's my piece for the day.
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Dr Guy
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Reply #7 December 14, 2005 4:16:23 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

Kenny G? Aaaaaah! Make it stop! Make it stop!! How many bullets will it take to end this madness?

But I like Kenny G!

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Reply #8 December 14, 2005 4:29:32 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
. Or how about the people who just slowly wander through the parking lot and don't even bother to walk to the side so cars can get past they just slowly walk down the middle of the road.


I hear you Mama. I think you should get 50 points for hitting them...Plus an addtitional 20 points if you leave their shoes where they stood!

I think its funny in Vegas that people will drop $500 in the slots so they can get a free buffet


I once smoked a $500.00 pack of cigarettes at the blackjack table in Vegas. Stupid!

let's just say I have flipped off more than a few people


(GASP) Jade! Bad Jade! Bad, bad, BAD! Where did your parents and i go wrong with you dear? ::

But I like Kenny G!


Eeeeeeevil! I honestly believe that Kenny G is the soundtrack of hell!
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BlueDev
Join Date 12/2003
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Reply #9 December 14, 2005 4:42:19 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Eeexcellent!

1. Fat people that meander through Costco: How can two human asses block a 14 foot aisle? Answer: Simple! Put a free sausage sample cart in the middle of it! Join a gym you fat bastards.


Argh, if it were only the fat people! Everybody these days seems hell-bent on getting in front of me and then SLOWING DOWN. I hate you all. If suddenly your knee explodes in a burst of pain, blood, and bone fragments, just remember, you had it coming to you.

2. People who dress their pets for the holidays: Either have kids, or seek serious fucking psychiatric help. And stop sending me pictures of them. You know who you are!


No crap. Animals are animals. They don't want to be anthropomorphized, they don't like it. So stop doing it!

The Starschmucks X-Mas CD: Kenny G? Aaaaaah! Make it stop! Make it stop!! How many bullets will it take to end this madness?


I can think of few better Christmas presents than the opportunity to give Kenny G a saxaphone enema. And, no, I won't be using a soprano sax. I want something longer, wider, and with curves.

The entire state of Idaho: It's nothing personal...But I hate you. Learn how to drive.


Dude, I lived in Logan for 6 years. There are so many Idamorons up there, I can really relate to this one.
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Reply #10 December 14, 2005 4:45:18 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

But I like Kenny G!


Eeeeeeevil! I honestly believe that Kenny G is the soundtrack of hell!

Thatoneguy, we will have to agree to disagree!  I love his sax! 

And I like Rove too!  Only cause he drives the democrats to a froth mouth frenzy!

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Reply #11 December 14, 2005 4:52:23 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Karl is the biggest criminal of the bunch. Either him or Tommy DeLay.

I pity you for worshipping Kenny G.
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Reply #12 December 14, 2005 4:53:18 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
great rant, please add the people that make you feel bad if you do not spend a bazillion bucks for their gifts.
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foreverserenity
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #13 December 14, 2005 4:58:50 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
But I like Kenny G!


Me too, at least most of the time anyway!LOL!

I can't stand the people who stand in any supermarket ailse and expect you to actually ask them to make you get by! How stupid is that?!

Some people just don't bother to have breakfast. They go to the supermarket or the wholesale place to eat. Hence they load up! I've watched some do this very thing!


Sorry TOG, I shopped at Wal-mart for some of my gifts already. I know, I know, there's so many reason why not to but the darn place is convenient, I won't lie! Plus they're getting too convenient and selling people stuff that are so much more inferior these days, I don't think anyone's noticing! There are just some things I don't buy there.


You can hate Christmas all you want, it's your perogotive! I understand the sentiment though. Retailers have turned it into their must make money season. The good thing is that not all of us are falling for it. Some of us are still enjoying the Christmas holidays!

And here's to you a Merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year doing whatever you love to do! From someone who will always love Christmas!
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Reply #14 December 14, 2005 5:11:53 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

Freaking hilarious.

And this is why I try not to go out as much during this busy shopping season. I get frustrated by the crowds and the people blocking my way...I may go into berserker mode one of these days. Hopefully when that happens it will make national news and you can all have a hearty laugh at my expense.

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Reply #15 December 14, 2005 5:18:28 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

I pity you for worshipping Kenny G.

Worship?  no.  Like?  Yup!

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Reply #16 December 14, 2005 6:39:48 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
I hate you all. If suddenly your knee explodes in a burst of pain, blood, and bone fragments, just remember, you had it coming to you.


Healthcare professionals are sadists! ::

No crap. Animals are animals. They don't want to be anthropomorphized, they don't like it. So stop doing it!


The ultimate reward here Doc is that hopefully rover will go roll around in something foul while "donning his gay apparel".

I can think of few better Christmas presents than the opportunity to give Kenny G a saxaphone enema. And, no, I won't be using a soprano sax. I want something longer, wider, and with curves.


Please refer to comment #1.

Dude, I lived in Logan for 6 years. There are so many Idamorons up there, I can really relate to this one.


Cheese valley scares me. Something really un-wholesome about that place.

great rant, please add the people that make you feel bad if you do not spend a bazillion bucks for their gifts.


Praise from Caesar himself...Wow! I agree with you Modman. It's the act of giving, not the pricetag that's important.

Sorry TOG, I shopped at Wal-mart for some of my gifts already.


S'ok with me Serenity! I hate the conglomerate, not the customers.

You can hate Christmas all you want, it's your perogotive


On the contrary... I used to love christmas. I despise what it has become.

Freaking hilarious.


Why thank you Cordelia!

I get frustrated by the crowds and the people blocking my way...I may go into berserker mode one of these days. Hopefully when that happens it will make national news and you can all have a hearty laugh at my expense


I promise to be the first blogger to write about how you were such a quiet blogger.....Kept to yourself a lot....And wrote a lot of articles about guns... ::
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Reply #17 December 14, 2005 8:08:06 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
On the contrary... I used to love christmas. I despise what it has become.


Funny stuff! So glad you did another rant. So......when you USED to love Christmas, what would you say was your favorite any why?
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Reply #18 December 15, 2005 1:58:01 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
you USED to love Christmas

Yeah. Sad story really. I never got my Daisy-red-ryder-carbine-action-bb-rifle-with-a-compass-in-the-stock-and-this-thing-that-tells-time.
Actually, I still enjoy the holidays. I just cannot stand the whole commercialism of the holiday. Milking every last buck out of baby jeebus b-day seems kind of...oh geez...what's the word i'm looking for...SINFUL?
what would you say was your favorite any why?

My favorite christmas? Hmmmmmm...I guess the last one was 1993. The last one with both of my grandparents. Or 1990 in Vegas. Both are good!
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foreverserenity
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Reply #19 December 16, 2005 2:45:40 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
I promise to be the first blogger to write about how you were such a quiet blogger.....Kept to yourself a lot....And wrote a lot of articles about guns... ::


I'll be the one proclaiming, "Not Cordy, she was so sweet...." yuk, yuk...rofl!
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Reply #20 December 23, 2005 8:37:39 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
"Not Cordy, she was so sweet...." yuk, yuk...rofl!


funny!
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Reply #21 December 24, 2005 5:16:21 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Folks, There is no compliment higher on a rant.... Than a complement from Whip

Thanks!
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