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Texas Wahine

Join Date 08/2004

+127

Fat Club: The first rule about Fat Club is...

You Don't Talk about Fat Club, Hehe.

OK, so here's my first official entry.

Some history:

Growing up, I was always thin. Very thin. When I had my first child, I gained a lot of weight with my pregnancy and was shocked that I suddenly wasn't thin anymore. I managed to stay a healthy weight until Xavier was about 1 and 1/2. I was loving being a mom, I was happy in my relationship, school was going great. Everything was wonderful, and so I celebrated life with lots and lots of food.

I went to the doctor for a check up and he said, "It wouldn't hurt you to lose a little weight." I knew I was chubby, but having him say those words to me shocked me into action. I counted calories and began losing the weight. A month or so into my weight loss, I joined Weight Watchers. I was already within the healthy weight range, so I set a high goal so that I could become a Lifetime Member quickly. I continued to lose and did indeed become a LM.

At a weigh in, a visiting district manager noticed me and asked the meeting leader about me. They agreed to "recruit" me, and I was glad for the employment opportunity, so I trained to be a receptionist, and later, a meeting leader. I loved working for Weight Watchers, it was great for my weight stability to have to be an example for others, and as socially phobic as I am, I adore public speech.

During this time I was taking both weight training and karate in college. I was in the best (though not thinnest) shape of my life. I even had some little ab lines. It was wonderful. Then I got pregnant with my youngest child. In the beginning, I was so sick that I lost weight. When I did begin gaining, it was very steady and I gained the recommended amount and nothing more.

Nine months pregnant with my youngest I weighed less than I do now. Depressing.

After I had Orian, the weight came off quickly. I was busy, and more importantly, I was breastfeeding. I was burning calories like nobody's business, and could eat whatever I liked and the weight still fell off of me. I developed bad eating habits.

When Orian was about a year and half old, I weaned him. I was almost as thin as I was in high school for a time. But I continued the bad eating habits, and the weight started coming back on. Between school and a very active job, I was able to maintain a healthy, but not super thin, weight.

I quit my job when Adrian joined the Army, and the weight started creeping up. Still healthy, but high-range healthy. Then we moved here. I was happy with my life, happy with my environment, happy with everything. And so I continued to eat and gain weight. By the time Adrian left on deployment, 8 months after our move here, I was a good ten pounds or more overweight.

My friend Tenille came to visit that summer, and I was embarrassed. After she left I emailed her daily with my food journal and my progress. With her help, I lost down to a healthy, but not thin, weight. I was pleased.

Then that fall I began having personal problems. I was depressed and didn't eat for almost two weeks. It wasn't healthy, but when I'm very sad I can't make myself eat. I lost more weight and of course, I was pleased. Still not thin, but certainly very healthy.

Then Adrian came home. I've been happy and we've celebrated being together again by eating. He brings me candy bars and donuts on his way home from work. We go out to eat. We share ice cream. We get second helpings. We eat.

And so today, I find that...

I MUST lose 24 lbs.

I would like to lose 39 lbs.

I'm going to starting posting a food journal daily. If I don't post a food diary one day, you guys must nag me until I do. Accountability is very helpful to me. Losing weight is nothing more than calories in and calories out, so I am going to keep track of what I eat and the calories and try to limit myself to a decent 1,200 calories a day.

I will also post weight losses and gains and progress photos along the way.

Here are my before photos (embarrassing!).

That one was taken about two months ago.

And that one was taken today. It's particularly unflattering because Adrian took it from the top of the stairs, but hey, it'll make my progress photos look better. Hehe.

So, there's the whole humiliating spiel. *sigh*

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You dont look bad. I hope you dont lose 39 pounds. That will make you too thin.

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I think you look great...I can't imagine having those big boobs on too skinny a gal!

I understand your desire....though we approach it differently....I work out and build muscle mass...but I'm female so its not bulky, but I build it and pretty much eat what I want......I have a horrible sweet tooth. I do cardio 4-5 times a week and weight training 3 times...and it has worked well for me.

It took us some time to move and get settled so my routine was broken, but I am getting back into it...good thing because we ate a lot during this move and whew my clothes are tight!

Good luck....I am looking forward to your posts!

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You don't look bad to me either, but then again you don't think that I look bad. It's all about personal image. I don't want to get below 120 because I look ill when I'm that small. According to the charts, I could go as low as 109 and still be in my 'ideal' range, but according to my body 109 is anorexic.

So, starting today, I'm keeping track of everything I eat. Like you, accountability does me good. If I have to post everything that I eat, I'm going to keep a better eye on it all. It's kind of like mindfulness for your diet, you know?

My story is that I was always an average size until I got pregnant with Shea. Then I piled on the pounds. I lost a little of it, and then got pregnant with Davey. I had horrible morning sickness, and the only way i couod NOT feel nauseous was to eat. So, I grazed, constantly. When I went in to deliver him they weighed me...191lbs. That's a lot of weight for my little frame. After he was born I had a hell of a time getting below 145, but when he was a year old my hormones seemed to settle down and I lost 10lbs in a month...then found out I was pregnant with Jake. That pregnancy saw me weighing 178 when I went in to deliver him...big, but not as big as I was with Davey.

After Jake was born, I had to have a hysterectomy. The surgery made me feel a TON better than I had before, and by the time Jake turned 1 I was weighing 130 lbs. By the time he was 2, I was 108. By the time he was 3, I was back up to 130 again, and I stayed there for a couple of years.

2001-2002 were bad years for me. Dave was in a high pressure job, which reflected on me. I started eating for comfort, and the pounds piled on. It didn't help that I was working security at the time and that a lot of my job involved either sitting on post in a vehicle or riding around in a patrol vehicle. By January of 2003, I had got up to 160. That's the most I've ever weighed and not been pregnant. I stayed there until that spring when my metabolism changed (it always does, I seem to lay down more fat in the winter months) and I started to lose. When I had the accident I was roughly 140 lbs.

Wrecking the truck chnaged me in a few ways. Not only did it break my body, but it broke my mind too. That might sound melodramatic, but....I wasn't playing with a full deck for a few months afterwards. I was struggling to manage the kids, the house and myself with no help from anyone (Dave couldn't come home to help me) I wasn't eating, I was on a lot of medications for pain, and my body basically cannibalised itself to fix what was broken in the wreck. You could literally see the weight coming off. People who hadn't seen me for a couple of weeks would stop me in the store and ask me how much more I was planning on losing. When Dave came home for mid-tour leave in January of '04, I weighed about 110 and was wearing a size 3 pant (and had some room in them). One of the first things he said to me after he got off the plane was "we need to feed you". Whilst he was home on leave he got me swimming again, and he even did yoga with me a few days a week...but more importantly, I was eating properly.

Then he left to go back to Greenland. I was afraid of what was going to happen to me...but I hung in there and managed to maintain the weight. It was around that time that I found Joe User and started blogging....I credit this place with helping me maintain my sanity AND my weight. That sounds bad, but you have to understand...I was still trying to get over being hurt in the accident, I was alone, livng on a street surrounded by women who thought that if they harrased me enough they'd get rid of me (I got CPS called on me more times than I care to recall in the last 8 months that I lived at Ellsworth)...I was pretty miserable. Then I found JU and not only had an outlet for my emotions, but other people to talk to as well. I even managed to maintain my weight through a breast cancer scare. That was quite a achievement for me.

So, I managed to keep my weight on a pretty even keel all the past year, averaging about 125. After Christmas I decided that I was too skinny, so I set out to gain some and went up to 130. Then I had the surgery...and all this sitting around, not being able to do a whole lot of anything for 2 months has reflected in my weight. I weighed myself yesterday, and I'm 136. I want to weigh 120 again. So, I'm looking to lose about 15lbs, and I'm looking forward to doing it in the company of some pretty awesome chicks.

'Before' pictures will follow this weekend once I've managed to get Dave to take some of me. It's not going to be pretty.....

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you're like gooooorgeous! seriously! and in the second pic, it makes your eyes look sooooo really sexy!

this said, it's not about how you appear so much as how you feel about yourself. i mean, no matter what you look like, if you're not comfortable in your own skin (figure of speech), then changes have to occur. personally, i went from around 95 kgs (ah... need to convert, one sec) that is 209 lbs approximately, to 156 lbs (or about 71 kgs). to process did take two years. (including abandoning of the plan and what nots!) and i'm still 'overweight' by most standards. but i don't care anymore! lol

but this to say: you can do anything you want to lady! and you've got a good base to work on!

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kingbee

Join Date 04/2004

+42

i think you're making too big a thing outta this myself jaina. there is no such thing as an unflattering pic of you.

without meaning to go off-topic, the woman in the foreground of the top pic is one of the fugitives dawg chapman is looking for. i hope you wont mind if i call his attention to it.

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HI everyone, my name is Kelly and well I could stand to lose some pounds too.

Tova7 if you could share some weight training tips/exercises or point to somewhere. That would be great. I would rather exercise my butt off (pun intended) then gnaw on celery. Although I am not against healthy eating, for me exercise is a great motivater and energizer.

Thanks Tex...I think accountability works for everyone.

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Oh my goodness, don't be so embarassed about your pictures! You look great! I think it is a very well known fact that every woman is harder on themselves than they would be on anyone else. Starting a food journal is a great idea. I am constantly trying to watch what I eat, allowing myself treats when I have been doing well. When you have it written down, you can honestly say whether you "deserve" a splurge or not. It also helps you point out times in the day or certain activities in the day where you seem to overeat or get cravings, recognizing that is huge. You can then know when to expect a craving, and plan on having a healthy snack before hand so you aren't hungry for something else. Good luck with everything and keep your eyes on the prize.....you will feel such a sense of accomplishment when you feel healthier and better about your body image.

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ummmmmm as a male that likes women with meat on there bones, I gotta say tex,{no comeon or offense intended} you look yummy, ok what's important is what you think, and if you think you need to lose weight, then so be it.

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Dr.Guy:

You dont look bad. I hope you dont lose 39 pounds. That will make you too thin.

Thanks. I'm not really designed to be very thin, and once I lose my target 20, I'll probably go by feel and try to settle into whatever weight feels most comfortable to me.

Tova:

I think you look great...I can't imagine having those big boobs on too skinny a gal

Thanks, hehe. I'm curvy...I looked great when I was breastfeeding my youngest...great weight, and out of control boobs, haha.

I'm just not a real active person. I don't enjoy sports. I like weight training, but it's not an option for me right now, and honestly, aerobic activity would do more for me in reaching my goals. I know I need to be exercising just for my health...gah, I just hate it. I like walking and running on a treadmill, so that's something for later, maybe.

My exercise consists of: close to 20 minutes of fairly brisk walking, housework (which CAN be a work out at times!), and sex. Haha.

Your plan sounds so wonderful and healthy, Tova. Good for you!

It took us some time to move and get settled so my routine was broken, but I am getting back into it...good thing because we ate a lot during this move and whew my clothes are tight!

I think that's what bothers me more than anything. My jeans are tight and it feels awful. I don't like that feeling.

Good luck....I am looking forward to your posts!

Thanks!

dharma:

Well thank you, sweetie. I just feel...yuck. And that's not good. I'm not happy with my appearance, and I "feel" my weight...I don't know if that makes sense, but it feels icky...I feel bulky.

I know what you mean about ideal weights. It can be so different for every person. I think having a healthy BMI and feeling comfortable with your body is the best way to gage it. You're already at a healthy weight, but I can understand wanting to find the spot where you feel best.

(And I haven't weighed 109 since high school!)

I weighed myself yesterday, and I'm 136. I want to weigh 120 again. So, I'm looking to lose about 15lbs, and I'm looking forward to doing it in the company of some pretty awesome chicks.

Thanks so much for sharing that bit of history. While not exactly the same, I think we have a lot of similarities in when and why we gain and lose weight. I think it's going to be fun for us to do this together. Good luck!

'Before' pictures will follow this weekend once I've managed to get Dave to take some of me. It's not going to be pretty.....

Awesome. (And I have no doubt your before pictures are going to make me green with envy!)

iseekserendipity:

you're like gooooorgeous! seriously! and in the second pic, it makes your eyes look sooooo really sexy!

Wow, thanks.

That's an ego boost for sure.

this said, it's not about how you appear so much as how you feel about yourself. i mean, no matter what you look like, if you're not comfortable in your own skin (figure of speech), then changes have to occur. personally, i went from around 95 kgs (ah... need to convert, one sec) that is 209 lbs approximately, to 156 lbs (or about 71 kgs). to process did take two years. (including abandoning of the plan and what nots!) and i'm still 'overweight' by most standards. but i don't care anymore! lol

Exactly. It's really about finding the place where you feel healthy and confident. I'm glad you found a weight that you feel great at.

but this to say: you can do anything you want to lady! and you've got a good base to work on!

Aw, thank you.

kingbee:

i think you're making too big a thing outta this myself jaina. there is no such thing as an unflattering pic of you.

You're way too sweet and way too good for my self esteem, kingbee. It's dangerous. Haha.

without meaning to go off-topic, the woman in the foreground of the top pic is one of the fugitives dawg chapman is looking for. i hope you wont mind if i call his attention to it.

Hehe. He's looking for my mother-in-law? I knew she was up to something!

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Kelly:

HI everyone, my name is Kelly and well I could stand to lose some pounds too.

Hi Kelly!

I would rather exercise my butt off (pun intended) then gnaw on celery. Although I am not against healthy eating, for me exercise is a great motivater and energizer.

Gah, I wish I were that way. I hate exercise more than I hate not eating what I want (which is a lot!).

Thanks Tex...I think accountability works for everyone.

I'm glad this is working out so well. I'm going to add everyone on to the blog group in a few minutes.

jennybean:

Oh my goodness, don't be so embarassed about your pictures! You look great! I think it is a very well known fact that every woman is harder on themselves than they would be on anyone else.

Aw, thank you. Although...haha...no one's going to actually say, "hey, you look like crap, you big fatty!"...hehe.

Starting a food journal is a great idea. I am constantly trying to watch what I eat, allowing myself treats when I have been doing well. When you have it written down, you can honestly say whether you "deserve" a splurge or not. It also helps you point out times in the day or certain activities in the day where you seem to overeat or get cravings, recognizing that is huge. You can then know when to expect a craving, and plan on having a healthy snack before hand so you aren't hungry for something else.

Right. I can't intentionally lose if I don't keep a food journal. It's tremendously helpful.

Good luck with everything and keep your eyes on the prize.....you will feel such a sense of accomplishment when you feel healthier and better about your body image.

Thanks!

Moderateman:

ummmmmm as a male that likes women with meat on there bones, I gotta say tex,{no comeon or offense intended} you look yummy

Thank you. You're such a sweetie!

ok what's important is what you think, and if you think you need to lose weight, then so be it.

Yeah. I just don't feel good at this size...I feel bulky and I don't like the way I look.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the support and kind words!

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If you've never read the book "Body For Life" by Bill Phillips...it is a great book!

I was always a runner....but never overly thin. After my first child (c-sect) I got a pouch in my belly. No amount of running would take it away. So while working out one day at the gym I started looking at the guys. They were buff and they didn't spend an hour to two hours a day running on the tread mill.

So I started reading, a LOT. Instead of women's health books and mags I started reading mens. Wow.

Women think cardio burns fat...and it does, but not very well. See the muscle mass you have right now is what is burning calories when you exercise. If you increase your muscle mass then you can do smaller amts of exercise and get BETTER results. You will lose weight SO fast if you diet and start lifting...and not the many reps low weight stuff.....go HEAVY as heavy as you can.

I never did that before because I believed it would make me bulky. That is a common misconception. If you talk to any female professional body builder she will tell you she lifts a minimum of 6-8 hours a day AND takes all kind of supplements to get all those big gross muscles. So unless you are really trying to look like that, it won't happen.

I know. I read "Body For Life" several years ago and started the program...you eat 6 times a day and one day a week you eat ANYTHING you want. I mean cakes, pies WHATEVER.

I started lifting heavy and the last 5 pounds I could never lose melted away along with another 10. After about 6 months I stopped running and just went to 4 20 minute cardio sessions a week..it worked for over 7 years! Then my second son came and complications kept me out of the gym for a year. BUT when you have muscle mass it takes MUCH LONGER for your fat to return than when you just do cardio then stop. And when it comes back it comes to all the right places first!

You don't have to go to a gym. Doing push ups/pull ups etc will get you rocking too. If you get sore...good, that means you are tearing down your muscles and rebuilding them stronger (make sure you get about 2x's the recommended daily protein...easy with a protein shake/bar for a snack) once you tear your muscles down that protein helps build them back stronger.....

Here is an example of lifting....

squats on a smith machine (or alone)...say you can lift 100 pounds 10 times before your muscles shake and you have to quit.

Start at 70lbs...do 12 reps (rest 30-60 seconds)
goto 80lbs do 10 reps (rest/same)
goto 90 lbs do 8 reps (rest)
goto 100 pounds 6 reps (rest)
Go back to 80 or 90 lbs and do 24 reps without stopping (or as many as you can working up to 24 over time).

Squats are awesome because they will give you BEAUTIFUL legs and really nice buttocks!! hehe. But be careful to NEVER let your knee go over your toe.....and keep your back arched (butt sticking out) or you will hurt your back.

Do these and sit ups for two weeks and watch the SIZE of your body drop fast even if the scale doesn't.

Ok that is my sales pitch

I highly recommend the book, it rocks and I watched a woman lose over 50 pounds in 3 months doing it....

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If you've never read the book "Body For Life" by Bill Phillips...it is a great book!

Haha. Actually, I bought the book and followed the plan for a couple of days. I was working full time and going to school, so the several meals a day and exercise thing just didn't work out for me. Probably one of the most healthy ways to do it, though!

I highly recommend the book, it rocks and I watched a woman lose over 50 pounds in 3 months doing it....

Thanks for all that info. Great stuff!

OK, so here are a couple of pics:

That one is from when I was about 17. I actually look bigger in that pic than I really was because my parents made me wear pants two sizes too big (stupid, strict parents...I mean...I love you mom).

And that one is from June 2001 when I was still nursing my youngest.

Ah, gah, I'm so fat now!

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I think you look great too, but as you said... it's in how you FEEL as much as it is how others think you look.

So how do you go about posting a daily food journal? Will there be a forum for that or something? I think it's a great idea!

My story... let's see. I was always scrawny growing up. Pencil thin - tiny girl. I was the cheerleading on the TOP of the pyramids.

Two days after my first daughter was born I weighed 98 pounds (age 18). I liked it, although people said I looked ill. In retrospect, I guess I can see that... although I never had any eating disorders, just a really high metabolism.

6 years later my second daughter came along and I got a little heavier, but not much... somewhere around 120. Lost my flat stomach (or at least *I* thought so), but still remained somewhere between a 6 and 8 up until I was married, four years later (age 28).

At that point, life settled down and got good. The stressful relationships of the past didn't affect me anymore. I married a wonderful man who actually WORKED for a living. I rediscovered my faith. I "grew up", I guess. Became "domesticated"? LOL... I never saw myself as Suzy Homemaker... but I grew more tame, anyway... and I LOVED my life (still do).

A year and a half after I married my current husband, I had a son (age 30). The combination of having that third child and hitting age 30 killed that lovely metabolism I was so proud of. LOL. My weight went up to about 140.

When he was a year old, I quit smoking. Talk about WEIGHT issues. I knew I was putting the pounds on, but at that point, kicking the cigarettes was more important to me than worrying about my weight, and I knew I couldn't tackle both at the same time. I told myself once I got the nicotine cravings under control, I'd worry about the eating habits.

We went on vacation the following year and my daughter took the lovely "before" picture I posted in another thread. Looking at those pics... I couldn't believe that was me. What happened to that 100lb woman who couldn't seem to put weight on? At my peak weight of 189 I was determined. That was it.

I did Atkins for a couple of years off and on, and went from size 18 jeans to size 14. My weight came down to 163... a good start. Once I stopped the Atkins diet, most of it came right back. I was back to 186 and discouraged.

A couple of months ago I started following the WW eating plan. I lost 8 pounds in the first two weeks, but then put 3 back on (the fair came to town... it's a conspiracy, I tell ya!). So that's where I'm at. Looking forward and feeling cautiously optimistic. Thanks for the added incentive.

Will you be having a weigh in post or anything? To keep track of loss?

Thanks for getting me motivated again, TW

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I posted full length shots in the other thread (before and after). Here are the headshots. Talk about a difference... I kept thinking that before shot must have been squished in editing or something, but no. I really was that pudgie. Blech.

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HC:

I think you look great too, but as you said... it's in how you FEEL as much as it is how others think you look

Yeah, I just feel yucky. And I can look so much better.

So how do you go about posting a daily food journal? Will there be a forum for that or something? I think it's a great idea!

I added you to the blog group, so you should be able to post articles here if you'd like. I'm not sure about all the details on how, so maybe someone with the knowledge will pop in and help us.

Thanks for sharing your history.

Wow. Isn't it crazy how much life impacts how we manage our weight?

Congrats on quitting smoking!

Will you be having a weigh in post or anything? To keep track of loss?

I think that's a great idea, HC! We need to pick out a day that we all want to weigh and post and do that once a week. That would definitely keep me on my toes, haha.

Thanks for getting me motivated again, TW

Thanks for being involved. This is really neat.

I posted full length shots in the other thread (before and after).

I'll have to check those out.

Here are the headshots. Talk about a difference... I kept thinking that before shot must have been squished in editing or something, but no. I really was that pudgie. Blech.

Isn't that weird. I don't think I'm as fat as I look in pictures, haha. You're a cutie, HC, and you can see the difference even in the head shots. Good job!

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