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island_gurl12

Join Date 09/2004

So yup, i went out on Friday

Okay this is just an update from my previous article where i was wondering if i should go clubbing or not last Friday. Well I did. This is how it went.

5.30pm: got picked up from work by Delizia, went home, grabbed some change thinking i didnt want to go out but i'll get this just in case.

5.50pm: Went shopping for dinner AND booze, hehe, which turned out to be just beers and whisky (she lied to me about saying she already had a bottle ready, that beeotch, lol).

6.00pm: Checked out all the ATMs, but since it was pay day, some were already cleared out from cash, and others still had queues of people lining out. Decided to just go have dinner...

6.15pm: Got to her place, fed the puppy (it's like the cutest thing on earth!!! but what a pain too, heh), cooked, ate, and started with the beers, then to the whiskeeeeey! Start feeling all pumped up and happy, and anything we said seemed to be the funniest joke eva, in short, started to get drunk

We prank called a friend, and checked what she was up to, but nope said she was staying home and i was like no c'mon I AM going out tonite (big grin on Delizia's face, beeotch, did i say that already?). But didnt change her mind, so oh well. Called another friend that Delizia droped home the other night with another Indian girl (Delizia is a lesbian by the way so she was very keen on meeting up with those two...), said they were going to this new bar, so we said we'd meet up with them later. Cool, cool, everything is sweet. We get ready, make sure we look good and smell nice, hehe, we feel like we can take over the world...

10.00pm: go back to the ATM, get some cash, and decide to go to the casino for a bit. I hadnt played the machines for ages and was like please Delizia, this is somethind i REALLY want to do! So we go there and we win a bit of money so decide to go before we get hooked up, and miss on the big night ahead!

11.30pm: we meet up with the girls, except the girls turn out to be the girl, since the cute one Delizia was looking foreward to talk to didnt show up at all. Heh, didnt matter, we knew all the people that were there which was good. Had a couple of games of pool, then decided to go to yet another bar. Went there, but it was closed already so decided to just go to Trader Vic's (the club).

12.30pm: got there and the zouk is pumping and we're like okay, have a dance at last! We're having the time of our lives and things are still all sweet. We meet up with Delizia's uncle and he decides to buy us drinks, so i have another whisky. And go back to the dancefloor when i see Glen and Gaetan, and i'm like, right... Darren's out too, which isnt really a surprise but still, i was having such a good time. Anyway, i dont let it phase me. We say hello, and they're like 'oh Darren's at the bar" and i'm like ok. And Gaetan's all cuddly as usual and he's like 'you ok?' (he always worries about me too much, especially when we're out). And i'm like sure (what am i gonna do without him when he gets married in July???)
Anyway, Darren comes over, we say hello, and thank God the music's too loud to say anything else. Then he talks to Gaetan and he's like "Gaetan, you're still not married, go have fun, dance with a girl, i'll choose one for you, c'mon", and Gaetan is like "Really, ok!" then takes me by the hand and tells me "we go for a dance" and i'm like "Sweet!" And Darren slaps him on the shoulder and yells "HEY!" haha, that was so cool, we have a high five and start dancing like it's just the two of us there!
The music goes crap, so we join the guys and have a beer. Then decide to have some fresh air in the garden area. I somehow seat between Gaetan and Glen (those huge teddy bearlike guys) and next to them there's Charley and Darren. And Glen's like "so do ou feel safe or what?" And i look around and it really looks like they're all my body guards and i'm like yeah, that's the shit!! Haha!
Delizia is doing her thing chatting up with the girls, heh, she looks like she's having a good time too.
3.00am: After dancing and having numerous other whisky-sprite i seat down by myself, and Darren comes and seats next to me. I dont remember what we talked about (blame it on the booze). Gaetan came over and sat there too. I do remember feeling upset and wanting to cry. So i just stood up said goodnite and started walking out to go home. I live like 700m up the street, and walked home the last time already, so i wasnt scared at all. Then Darren comes to the entrance and calls out for me. And i say 'i want to go home'. And he said "ok i'll take you" but i thought he said "okay see you" or something. So it mad me feel even worse. And i started walking home feeling really low, and started crying, but lucky there was no one around to see me. Then this truck pulls up, and i hear Darren's voice: 'hey, come on, jump in". So i cross the road, jump in, and i wipe my tears and he's like "you crying?". Silence.
When we get to my house, he stops the engine, and i just cry some more, and he asks softly whats wrong. But i know i cant talk, so i just try to cry it out. And as i open the door he asks you gonna be alrite? and i just manage to sob 'no, i'm not alright, and i'm not gonna be alrite." and just go home.
I cried my eyes out in the shower. And got to bed at around four in the morning.
*sigh* I dont regret going out, everything went sweetly until i saw him, and i remembered he wasnt mine

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No, he isnt. But what is yours is yourself. It hurts at every turn. There is no shortcut.

But you are healing. I wish we could hold you and tell you it will get better. As it is, we can only tell you that.

it will get better.

Trust us old farts.

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Thanks for yor sweet comment Dr Guy. You know on the one side i want to believe i'm healing, but on the other side whenever i have a moment to myself i cry, and then it's very hard to stop.
I think at the back of my head i'm still hoping to be back with him, even though it's not the best thing to do. Just something to make the damn pain go away...

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I know the feeling....

I can't look at my ex the same way. When we first broke up, I still wanted to keep the friendship thing going... but he treated me like the biggest "bitch" ever. And the sad thing is he's the one who broke up with me.... for no reason.

Looking at him now with someone i thought was my best friend makes it even worse. He is now trying to go back into being my friend. And now everytime he trys to talk to me i usually cry and walk away too.

Crying is good... so is clubbing.

My advice is that if you still have deep remorse when you are around him.... avoid him as much as possible. At least until you know the feelings have subsided. Meet other people.... explore the posiblities. Don't get back together with someone that makes you cry.... erxpecially if he doesn't even have to do anything to initiate the crying.

You'll find someone, more than likely someone better. There is a reason you cry when you are with him, God is trying to detour you away by giving you the "hurting feeling". Let him, he will lead you to the person you will marry. Trust me on that one too.

Hey girl, no more crying.... most guys aren't even worth the tears.

Go clubbing again sometime.... and be careful. Have a little fun, that is what living is all about.

And do NOT drink too much.

~Shadow

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islandgurl: I haven't had much to say on your relationship threads because I don't feel like I'm really qualified to give advice considering all my relationship woes this year. I have been thinking about you, though, and I know that things will work out for you...it's just going to hurt in the meantime.

When I was having so much trouble last winter, xtine recommended a song to me, and I'm going to recommend it to you...it's going to sound very lame and cliché, but trust me, it's very empowering. Listen to "I Will Survive" by Cake. (I suppose you could listen to other versions of it, but Cake's cover has a little different sound to it, and it's excellent for finding your anger and your resolve.)

Take care, sweetie.

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Hehehe... I'm glad you went out, but sorry the night ended on a sad note.

I think you'll be ok, but you don't have to be ok yet. Take some time, wallow just a little, and then go back out. And shadow is right, don't drink too much... alcohol is a depressent.

BTW, I got the silliest image of you being guarded by two giant teddy-bears.... strange.

Take care!

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Shadow:

I can't look at my ex the same way. When we first broke up, I still wanted to keep the friendship thing going... but he treated me like the biggest "bitch" ever. And the sad thing is he's the one who broke up with me.... for no reason.

Well i'm sorry to hear about that, i really am. I cant say we broke up for no reason though. He is not in love with me the way i think i want him to be, it's complicated i guess. He doesnt treat me bad either, it's just seeing him and not being able to hold him that kills me.

Crying is good... so is clubbing.

Heh, we agree here!

*sigh* I'm trying, it aint easy. I'm so used to having him around, to feel him, to talk to him about all sorts of things, to laugh with him, he was so much part of my life, damn i cant explain how empty it is now. It's really hard, and i want him back more than ever

And do NOT drink too much.

Haha! ok ok, i wont! Thanks shadow, for caring

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Texas Wahine

I haven't had much to say on your relationship threads because I don't feel like I'm really qualified to give advice considering all my relationship woes this year.

It's ok TW, i can understand that.

I have been thinking about you, though, and I know that things will work out for you...it's just going to hurt in the meantime.

Thanks, that's nice... i wish it didnt hurt that much though...

SugarHigh Elf

Hehehe... I'm glad you went out, but sorry the night ended on a sad note.

Yeah, it was good til that!

BTW, I got the silliest image of you being guarded by two giant teddy-bears.... strange.

HAHAHAHAHAA! My two teddy bears yep! Hehe, it's because there so big but still so nice, teddy bear is what i could think about but people who dont know them might mistake them for killers! lol
And dont worry, i wont drink too much, dont wanna be depressed

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Damn! I just wrote a longwinded reply and joeuser farted and fell on me when I posted it! Now I gotta remember what I typed!! Oh yeah, I'm glad you went out and just lived for a bit! That shows that we can be happy if we open up to it. To bad the night didn't end on a good note, but I guess that's just part of the plan. Sounds like you have a lot of good friends to lean on, so do it! That's what they're there for and would want you to do. Just like us here. ; )

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But you are healing. I wish we could hold you and tell you it will get better. As it is, we can only tell you that.
it will get better.
Trust us old farts.

Yeah, what the Doc said. Sniff, I'm there with you, right there. Feel better.

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Damn! I just wrote a longwinded reply and joeuser farted and fell on me when I posted it!

ha, ha, har, har! I'm sorry Shovel, this is just so funny and has happened to me sooo many times!

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ha, ha, har, har! I'm sorry Shovel, this is just so funny and has happened to me sooo many times!

I know, it has happened to me as well. SO I always copy before I hit post, unless it is a short one like this.

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