Well it doesn't matter if you think I'm the so called Smiling Kitten or the so called evil Bitch. I'm going to write this anyways. If I don't I'm going to have an emotional break down and I don't want that to happen the day before we go to Floida. And I know a lot of drama has been going on here and you people are tired of it. And I'm sorry. You can blame me for all of it. Because I am the motherfu**ing problem.
It seems lately that I'm an evil Bitch. I'm the source to all problems. If that's what you want to think, well go right on ahead. Even though I'm going to have to say that I disagree with you, just go ahead and think what you please. I don't think that I'm the problem. I think some of us if not most of knows the main source of the problem. But I'll keep my mouth shut because maybe some of you don't know yet. And maybe some of you don't even want to know.
I just want to know why I'm the motherfucking problem. So why? What did I do to ever make two of my best friends break up? Sure I liked one of them. But it wouldn't make me break them apart. I'm not that kind of person. I even had the guts to admit that I still liked him while they were still going out. So do you think I'd automatically stop liking him just b/c they broke up? No, that just doesn't make sense. You think someone would like them more after they'd just had a break up.
Nobody, and I mean nobody knows how I felt. Liking your friend's boyfriend and trying not to let it over come all the while they were going out. That is the hardest thing to do. Or at least it is for me. The whole thing that happened at band camp. Whoa, wasn't that something? I can't believe someone would actually think their friend would go make-out with their boyfriend and have a secret relationship and not let her know. Why would I do that? I have not a clue, but I've sure been acussed of it numorous times already. Sure I cried on his shoulder at band camp, but he was just being a friend to me. Trying to calm me down. Why is that such a problem. Can't people be friends? Oh, and I must have forgotten. He asked me for a dance that Thursday night of band camp. Maybe because his girlfriend just got up and left him there. What else was he supposed to do just stand there and do nothing while everyone else was dancing? I think he was just trying to be friend there too.
I can't even think for myself anymore. It's crazy. I don't even know what to feel. I can't feel like myself right now. I just can't. Myself is somewhere where it can not be found at the moment.The only person that I'm able to find is some bitch that lives in my head. Or at least an image of a bitch that has been put into my head. Yeah, maybe I have been an evil bitch. But that's your opionion. You can call me what ever you want. Bitch, ugly, stupid, etc. I don't care. Just let me be so I can at least start searching for who I am. I don't want to be somebody I'm not. Please stop things ok. No more bullshit. I feel as if you have been lying and bullshiting the whole time. Because that is how I know you now. And I'm so sorry that it had to be this way. I'm so sorry our friendship has been torn apart the way it has been. Maybe one day we'll look back and laugh at all of this, maybe not. But I still want to be friends, but without all of this shit.
This will probably be my last article before I go to Florida. Unless I find a computer down there or something. So I'll see you all when I get back.
Hugs & Kisses for all!
The trying so hard to be a smiling kitten,
~carebear~
