It s6:35 in the morning and I am just about to have my coffe. I have been sober now for 23 days and it has been heaven.I finally got the courage to get help and go to AA..I tried to do it on my on but I could not do it.I would last a few days and then find myself drunk again.I have been meditating for along time and thought I was commuicating with God, but in the end all I was doing was trying to take contol of how my life should go according to my ideas. When things didn' go my way I get(got) angry and very resentful.I didn't even realise what I was doing in the throughs of my insanity.I did't understand that every thing that was happening to me was brought on in some way by myself.I had a big arguement with my girlfriend because i don't think we see enough of each other, but in truth we couldn't have because i wouldn't have time to drink and to see her ,yet i blamed it all on her. I had to honestely admit to myself that i was alcholic that alchol had indeed brought me to my knees. I went into a deep depression after the thing with my girfried( i struggle with depression anyway)I had nowhere to turn my life was becoming i and suffering grows and grows.I was drinking in the morning .I would be drunk by 11 am. and maybe driving to get get another bottle.I would also sometimes call escort agencies and watch porn. My life was becoming nothing more than fantasy.
