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Danny Bassette

Join Date 02/2003

My computer hates me

and other unrelated stuff

       Good news/Bad news time?
       My computer died, although to be more technical I think it was the hard disk the operating system lived on. I'm reasonable sure that the other hard drive is fine, and that's where most of the data was, so it's not a big loss in that regard. But no operating system means no booting. Havn't turned it on yet, since I was woken up by odd clicking noises that I think were coming from the hard drive, I decided to let it have the day off. The power switch wouldn't turn it off, I had to unplug it. That it died is no surprise to me, it was about due, and for that matter the computer I'm typing this on is as well.
       So what to do to fix it? Well if it is just the hard drive, that can be easily fixed, and for relativly cheaply as well. Be a bit of a pain to reinstall windows and all, but I was planning on doing that in the relative near future anyways. More importantly, the rest of the computer is getting on in age as well. The fan has been slowly getting louder and rattlier, and the cd drive stopped working sometime during the summer (not that I use the cd drive, but that's another story). If I was to replace the hard drive it would be a stalling action, something else would go bad before too long I'm sure. So I need to get a new computer all together. Which is going to be a problem, I can't justify the expense.
       Perhaps I'm too frugal, but without an income I am very careful with spending money. I can justify a hard drive, on sale I can probably find a decent one for 40 dollars or so. But I doubt I can find a new computer for under a thousand, which I can't justify spending now. And since I expect this computer to die as well, shouldn't be too long before I lose my internet connection. Or maybe I'm being too pessimistic? This all could be the perfect opportunity/motivation for me to stop being a lazy bum and get out and do something with my life.
       On a related issue, no computer means no instant messenger. So for those of you that talk to me through that, I won't be on until I get things straightened out, if I ever do that. No more send me messages anytime because I'm always around

And harder to read/post on joeuser too

       So that's the bad news part, now the sort of good news but really just ponderings on stuff. For a while I've been thinking over a variety of things, and thanks to a strange little article in the paper I think they are coming together. Not that I'll be able to do anything with my thoughts, but that's besides the point.
       The article was about how there are now men that look for a wealthy woman to marry, the opposite of in the past where some women would look for wealthy men. Gold diggers. While I wouldn't exactly like to marry for money, it helped put some things in perspective. I am currently unemployed, and I don't think I would do well at most jobs (not saying I'm unemployable, but that's not far off). But I do like to help people, at least people that appreciate being helped (is no fun to help someone that is upset at being helped).
       A while back little whip/emperor ice cream (not sure which of them it was) said I was a slave (although they used a few more words, that was the idea). I gave that some thought and I feel that it is a mostly accurate assessment. Or put better, I would like to be a servant, and would gladly be a slave for the right person (to some extent I already am, more on that below). Not to say I am into pain and whatnot (mentioned due to context of little whip/emperor ice cream), although I generally think pain is a good thing. Pain means your alive and your in the middle of a potential learning experience, both good things. The pain itself is unpleasant, but if you can learn from it then it can be worthwhile.
       I could see myself living somewhere and taking care of someones house/meals/clothes/kids/whatnot. Which ties back into the gold digging idea in that I could see me living with someone that was wealthy and doing the job of their maid/servant/whatever. But since I'm a picky person I wouldn't do this for just anyone, they would have to appreciate my help, and see to my needs even as I was seeing to theirs. What would that entail? I'm sort of picturing something along the lines of they go to work and while they are out I do other stuff. Clean the house, get groceries, wash the clothes, have dinner ready when they get home, and so on. And for doing all that I would have a place to stay and someone that cares for me, although I'm not exactly sure how they would express that.
       Shift in thoughts a bit: SWIWNN has been working alot, at least from what I can tell using my evil discrete survelance methods. What is alot? From what I can tell the average day she's at work by 8am and doesn't leave until the following 8am, sometimes later. As well as working more weekends then not. Now it's entirely possible that since the last time we talked to each other things have changed, she could be married with three kids by now. But from what I can deduce (my stalking skills are limited since I won't let myself actually leave the house to find out what she is doing) she is living alone and working alot. Perhaps she likes the work and it's what she wants from life, I know she enjoyed it when we were talking. But all the same, I would gladly do anything to help her. Which is what I meant by being her slave to some extent. Right now, if she were to call me (which I know she won't) and tell me she wants me to go to her home and clean it spotless, have dinner done by some time, and leave before she gets home so she wouldn't even have to see me, I would be on my way to do that for her, gladly. And that has nothing to do with valentine's day.
       Today being valentine's day just means being away from her hurts a bit more then most other days and I consider giving her a present of some sort even if she wouldn't want it, just so that she knows I still love her. But in the end I'll decide the same thing I did for her birthday last month, and christmas the month before: from what she has said and done what she wants the most from me is to be left alone, so ensuring that our paths have not crossed for another day is what I give her. My birthday (which is next month) is actually the hardest. All the other holidays the question ends up being what would she most want and how can I give it to her, which leads to doing nothing. On my birthday I want to be with her, and sometimes I almost convince myself that it would be ok to go and visit her even though she wouldn't want me to because it's my birthday and letting me visit could be her present to me. But I can't do that. If we were still talking I could ask, but we arn't and I can't just barge in on her like that.

       So to summarize everything here: Computer died, might not get fixed, no instant messaging, much less joeuser time, I love her and would gladly do anything for her, so I sit in my corner doing nothing. Wow, did I take some apparently random and unrelated topics and stick them together or what

Now do I put this under personal computing or personal relationships...

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If you dont need a monitor, a New Dell can be had for a minimum of $299. If you catch the sale correctly, you get shipping free.

That would be a 2.4ghz, 40gb hd, CD drive, speakers, KB and Mouse.

http://www1.us.dell.com/content/products/category.aspx/desktops?c=us&cs=04&l=en&s=bsd

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Cordelia

Join Date 07/2002

Danny - so sorry to hear about your computer. Although I'm sure you could get a system for under $1000, I don't know that it would be a system that you would want. Might not play games like you'd like it to, etc. Also, you have my e-mail addres, so please feel free to keep in touch that way. (BTW, sorry I haven't been online lately. I, too, have been hiding).

Re: Being a househusband - right on! I hope you can find the right woman who will make you happy; I'm sure that you could make someone else very happy.

Re: SWIWNN - I think you current course of action is the correct one, although it is painful. I wouldn't want your actions to be mistaken by her and causing further damage to your relationship. I wish I could somehow take your pain away...but what purpose would that serve? As you very correctly point out, pain may mean a potential learning experience. Therefore I will spend my energy wishing only good things for you. Take care, and e-mail me whenever you'd like.

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Danny, I hope your computer problems will be simple, like just replacing the hard drive and not the expensive task of getting a completely new pc. Although Dr. Guy seems to have found a really good sale - good going doc!

As for SWIWNN, I know it's not easy for you and it's even harder as these special days comes around. Just leave it as is, you've done all you can. Who knows, perhaps one day, it might be as you wish again? Hey, life can be surprising, right?! And you never know, you might just be lucky enough to find someone else. And don't say you won't, you never know. Just hang in there, and take care.

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Dr. Guy: Nice link, I didn't realize I could get that much computer for that little money, silly me is way behind the times, maybe it not working is for the better. Definetly going to look at that link

Cordelia: While I do play games, and do enjoy playing them, alot of what I do with the computer isn't very system intensive. Instant messaging and browsing the web does not a super computer take. As for the other stuff, I think I'm doing the right thing too, but it isn't pleasant and I don't know how to get out and find someone else to make happy. Oh well, another puzzle to figure out.
foreverserenity: Yes, doc did find a good link, between that and dharmagrl's article I should be able to find a cheap system. Although I'm almost thinking about building it myself. Nope, never know what tomorrow will bring.

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Danny:

Can't help you with your computer problems as Australia is just a little too far away to be of any use. But I will say if SWIWNN has asked to be left alone and you're still sending her things, then you are probably pissing her off. I know this is hard to do, mate, but you have to try to do as she has asked.

Take it easy,

Cheers,

Maso

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No advice on the relationships from me. But on the computer - get a new one, a basic computer, from Dell or HP isn't very expensive these days, wherever you may be, and often is decent enough to play a few good games. Unless you're a hardcore gamer, a super expensive graphics-X computer is not needed.

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dynamaso: As far as I can recall, she has never actually told me to leave her alone. But she has dropped many many clues/hints/subtle slaps upside the head. So I leave her alone, the point I was trying to make is that I don't want to yet I do because I think it's what she would want me to do.
Ravenblack: I'll probably get a simple computer from Dell. I like the one I have just that it's dead so it's funny that the simplest computer they sell is so much better then it. What they sell has changed alot since I last bought a comptuer...

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Danny,

I understand what you're saying mate. It is really hard sometimes to know what to do especially when the person in question isn't being completely straight with you.

The hoary old chestnut that is 'if you love something, set it free etc...' springs to mind. I'd like to add a change to the last line to 'if it doesn't come back, then you should put down traps'...

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Danny~ If she never actually told you to leave her alone...why not ask? If she's been hurt in the past...and it sounds like she has...she's probably just pushing you away because she's afraid to get hurt again...but....I guess I don't know much. lol

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awww... sorry to hear about your computer problems...hope things work for the best between you and the woman you adore...love does stink sometimes, don't it...

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Danny, I want a new computer too, and definitely know what you mean about justifying purchases.

What would that entail? I'm sort of picturing something along the lines of they go to work and while they are out I do other stuff. Clean the house, get groceries, wash the clothes, have dinner ready when they get home, and so on.

i'd like to find somebody who feels this way!

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dynamaso: Traps... Can't say the idea of forcing her to love me hasn't come to mind, but that's just a contradiction and I know I won't do it. I can but hope she will someday change her mind, or that I'll find someone else.
Marcie Helen: While she has never told me to leave her alone (at least that I can recall, and I'd hate to think she did and I've forgotten), she has used other people and situations to get the point across. If her giving me her back to talk to wasn't a big enough hint, the police officer that visited a while back was kind of hard to miss...
InBloom: As strange as it may sound, I'm kind of liking having had this computer problem. I feel like I have more time on my hands. Sure I spend most of it sleeping, but still

Love, even with all the problems it causes, is worth it (least thats my opinion). And realistically I know that I can't/won't be with her again, but I still love her.
NickyG: My birthday is in a few weeks, so I'm going to try and convince my parents that a new computer would be the perfect present, completely taking care of the justifying of expenses

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I'm glad I read this... I was beginning to think you hated me since you were never on IM anymore....

Also, I think you're doing the right thing with SWIWNN. I know its hard, but since I'm on the other side, it's probably for the best. I was up for hours over a text-message and it just made my valentines day even crappier. Who knows, maybe one day we'll both grow up to actually have a relationship, but for right now, it's just too hard for me to deal with him. It hurts too much, ya know?

Hope your parents come through for your birthday.

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Sugar High Elf: I think I know exactly what you mean about a relationship, which is why I don't contact her. Why would I want to cause pain to someone I love? And while I can still get on instant messenger, it's more difficult now, mostly because I can't stay on for hours (days, weeks

) on end. So I don't bother, although I do miss it. My dad says he has ordered the computer, so time will tell if/when I get it.

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