It's been a few days since I've written anything. I tried Anarchy Online for a day or two, it was so so. iamheather joined me for a little while but then turned that around and set me up with a Star Wars Galaxies account. So I've been playing that with her and d3adz0mbie. So far it's a nice game, but it has it's frustrating parts as well. And it keeps me busy and distracted from blogging, bad game. But this isn't a blog about games.
I'm lonely. I want someone to talk to and be close with that I can call a friend. But at the same time, I feel that other people have better ways to spend their time then with me. I'm afraid to pester them. So instead I sit here frazzled and torn up inside.
I want to help others but I don't want help in return, yet I need help. It's no ones job but my own to take care of me, yet I look for others to support me. I don't know what I'm saying but I'm using words anyways. I want my life to end, yet I know I won't kill myself. I don't want your kind words or sweet nothings, but I write this where it will be read and those are what I will receive. I want a hug but those within reach I despise. I'm tired but I can't sleep.
I'm so desperate, so needy, I hate myself, yet I crawl into a corner instead of dealing with things. I can't say what I really feel because it wouldn't make it out. I want my life back, but...
...I'm empty inside
