Hey~

More on the ongoing saga of my relationship with Amanda:

So while we were driving around all night on Saturday, we talked of many things, one being what we would like in a mate. I know, I know, at 19 years old, you really dont know what you want, but you are starting to have an idea. Her and my ideas are actually pretty vague as of now, but we seem to fit each other very well.

She wants a guy thats "not an asshole" then proceeds to tell me that the only guys she's ever met that aren't are myself and my friend Alex.

We both want people that are somewhat intelligent (in my case, spelling is important) and both of us are somewhat intelligent. She was in all the Advanced Placement classes in high school, I never tried, but when I did, I got awesome grades. She sits and tells me all the time how smart I am, I kind of just brush it off hwever, because I don't think so. I sit and tell her how smart she is, but she just brushes it off too, for God knows what reasoning. I'm just thinkin' its one of those situations where its not good to toot your own horn alot.

She said she doesnt care about looks (GREAT for me) and that she just is looking for someone to be able to carry their own in a conversation, again, citing me as an example. I began to laugh at her, saying that she goes for the "pretty-boy" look in her guys, and they all have to be tall, short dark hair, well built, reasonably well off in life, yada, yada, yada... She proceeded to say no, no, no, thats not it at all. I laughed again, because I know thats it, but then she brought up a few guys she dated that really dont fit that profile. I can safely say though, out of like ten shes went out with since I've known her, two dont fit it, the rest do to a T. But she still insists that she isnt superficial, I say that isnt really superficial and she should just learn to not lower her standards, but expand her standards. I guess thats a nice way of saying to lower them.

I'm really not a patient guy, and thats why my mind is always scheming as to Amanda and if I'd ever have a chance and keeping in mind the patience factor of it, and all the other stuff. I've been trying to be aloof with her and making it seem taht I'm busy and shes just one of many people that I hang around with, but its hard. My friends are all away at school, so none of them call, Alex always works, so he doesnt call often, and Derek never calls me. So Amanda is a good option if I want to go out somewhere as opposed to just sitting around at home all night.

I'm also thinking that if I start spending too much 'friend time' with her, that I'll never have a chance, even if she were to like me. its happened before with girls that I really would like to date and get to know, and they have ended up beig great friends but then you can never get over the possibility that there might have been more, or atleast could have been more to it that just a friendship.

I dunno. I'm just really confused as to what to do I guess. I'm going with her tomorrow to get her a tattoo. I helped her pick it out too, but of course, I made sure thats what she really wanted and told her all the permeance stuff about them, and how expensive the laser surgery is and all.

I think I'll just have to wait. Its the best bet, and I will be spending time with her as I wait, but its just that I would like more, but I'm afraid of the rejection. I'm afraid that she'll say no, then never talk to me again. She's been know to do it, so why not with me also? I do have reasonable factors as to not just come out and ask. but we'll see. Patience.

Until later....
--Joe