Well if it matters, my life is horrible right now. Not only because of the most recent happenings, but bad things have been steadily adding up since two septembers ago. Im not going to list all of the things because then I will only think about it more and I dont want to anymore. The thing that has REALLY been troubling me is....well.....a guy. I never thought I would say that one stupid little guy is the source of my unhappiness, but it is in fact the truth. I feel so stupid, so nieve for being so vulnerable. A little background if you will....This "guy" that I am referring to, who shall remain nameless means the world to me, and I cant bare to loose him. Im so sick of people telling me how I should feel..."Tiffany you need to get over him, seriously its not worth it" "you could do so much better than him, you deserve better" "this relationship is destructive"........ALL CRAP, and you wanna know why? NO ONE can tell ME how I fell, sure you can sympathize with me but I dont think anyone, except for maybe Genna, knows exactly how I feel......"Its not worth it, hes just using you"....MORE CRAP, you know what? You dont like someone for three years and then get over it in a heart beat, it just doesnt happen that way. I have thought about it A LOT, believe me, I hate waiting for one person--but IT IS WORTH IT. I know it is and you want to know why? Sure you do other wise you would not be reading this....when I look into his eyes I can feel something, something different...like I've never felt before....I knew it freshman year~~~after an away game, I was cheering and we were waiting outside for the school doors to be opened and we were talking and he was flirting with me and I said god its freezing out here and he held my hand and I looked at him, and he looked at me and I knew at that very moment that I did not want to let go....EVER...and I wont let go. It hurts so bad though, I cant even explain in words how much. I've never cried over a boy before--it seems so dumb, I'm not like that...I dont fall for guys that hard, never have thats why this is so hard for me. Everytime I watch my friends go out with guys and they get so gitty about it, before I would think OMG what a freak-who gets that obsessed over a stupid guy seriously??? WELL THAT OBSERVATION HAS BEEN PROVEN TO BE VERY WRONG. I dont want to wait for him, but what else can I do? AHHH THIS SUX...I go through 2 thoughts....1. Everything will work out because its real and its worth it because its "him".....and.....2. What if he is just using me like everybody else says and leading me on? THAT IS WHY IT HURTS TO NOT KNOW THE TRUTH...grrrr what to do? what to do? Well I dont want to write about this its almost midnight, but if you have any suggestions or comments please feel free to HELP ME!!! eeek cuz i need it BAD....untill next time.........over and out
