Man I'm feeling pretty shitty right now, I wish I can hold my babe, even just for a minute to remember that happy feeling. but that isn't gonna happen anytime soon I guess . fuck sakes, I hate how I can say and do things, and they just fuck me over, can I ever just, be smart and not say nothing? guess not, dumbhead me.

but anyways today I finally went to richard james' and welded my muffler on good, now it sounds nice, but james done the side before I put it on and I welded it under my truck, now I got a bunch of burns, one still on my neck that still hurts fuuck.

Life changes, sometimes too slow, sometimes too fast, the same goes for people, so you have all these friends you see? some stay good, some drift away. so you gotta go out there and look for someone who's gonna fight to stay in your life, and if your life is changing a way you don't want it to, don't be afraid to go out there and let someone know, becuase it's never too late to make your life the way you want it to be, anything is possible.......well except flying, that's just dumbhead right there. so remember that, your life can be exactly how you want it to be, if you're willing to fight for that life and fight to keep it! if someday someone tells you how that, you can't do something or how it's just not for you.... do me the biggest favor, prove them wrong!

so yeah man so far, since me and my girlfriend have been broken up, I spent everynight in my room or at midway, either way I can't even turn on my t.v or else I think of our beautiful and endless nights together, and that shit, hurts! alot! like, I can't even watch forrest gump are you stupid or something? I still have our drawings on my wall, no one in this world can make me tear them down! I still have my book that she said she's gonna draw me a picture on everypage, so far she drew me 2 pictures I hope she does, and they're all like the other 2, of me and her, the blakes and my dog puppy and her dog bruno.....r.i.p bruno! I wish to watch a couple of movies with her, just watch them, lay there, and let me hold her, no talking, nothing. just spending time together, it's called "Ryane & Roy time" .

All my life i've been known as a happy person, but then, I got a lil older n more dramatic,  and when I did get mad hoooly shit, roy's mad, haha, I freak out when someones pissed me off. But now, I got my exact wish I wanted around november, I wanted to stop holding it in so I don't blow up on people. but now I don't like it, I get mad too much, and I cry too much, but now I wish to be with my girlfriend no matter what, through the tears and the misery, because it's worth it! because when she's nice to me, it's like, if the world ended right there, it wouldn't matter at all because i'd be happy with what has come of my life but now it's like, the alan jackson song, livin' on love. without somebody nothing aint worth a dime, so right now, like, I'd rather sell everything I have, just to get back to right before my grad, because, truthfully, me and Ryane were inlove, nothing could've beat us! those nights, we could  say, that together we're invincible! I love her so much, that's all you guys need to know, is that, if when me and her were together all she had to say was, roy, jump off that cliff, prove how much you love me, don't worry you'll be okay.......I'd do it for sure man, just knowing that we'd be together forever, I wish she was preggo or something with my kid, be together forever like it's meant to be .

I can remeber when we first going out, well it all started when she came to WH one wknd, I knew her for a long tme, just never noticed her like that. So she came, my sister was hanging out one day, I was just going into the door, and up the stairs when I just so recognized her. I mean I imediately thought to myself "Im going to marry this girl". I swear the moment I saw her I thought it. The same night I hooked up with her haha. I was the fkn happiest person when I woke, I didn't give a fuck about my hangover, nor the headache I had. From that day on we spent every day together, nothing else mattered.  We'd just lay in my bad drinking a 40 with the curtains closed, listening to "Give into me". Or we'd play zombies all day n night. You know what they say...if your hungover...keep drinking. I was scared to sober up, fkn hate the sickness. So a month later I took her back home. 12 hour drive, just me n her. It was the best ride of my life. At times she'd just hang on to me while I drive, kissing my neck and what not. She moved a couple weeks ago...now its over. She thought it would be best if we were single. I didnt want to. But I giver her what she wants. No matter if were together or not, I'll always love her. I promised her I'll wait untill she comes back when she left, Im still going to keep that promise.