Funny joke, though note certain words have been "altered" due to the swearing that was used when I heard it.

Two men are sitting next to one another in an airport both of whom have black eyes. 

One man asks the other, "How'd you get your black eye?"

To which the other man answered, "Ahh, I was at the ticket counter with my wife and was going to ask the ticket lady for      

two    tickets     to      Pittsburgh. 

But the lady had huge breasts and instead it came out,

'Could I get two pickets to Tittsburgh?'  So my wife hit me."

"Oh," said the first man, "the same kinda thing happened to me this morning with my wife.  We were sitting at the breakfast table and I meant to ask her to     

Please     pass     the     Post      Toasties.   

But it came out all wrong and instead I said,

"YOU FREAKIN WITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE"