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chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

And other books you'll never read...

September 7, 2004 11:22:49 PM from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Was searching for a Simpsons quote earlier and found this site Link. Some really funny stuff there. Go check it out.

Here's a cut and paste job of one of the really funny posts.

'LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS' THAT NEVER MADE IT:

1. You Are Different And That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-Letter Words To Know And Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors. An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide To Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mother Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George And The High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's It: I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets A Casket
14. The Magic World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have The Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking And Crying To Get Your Way
19. You Were An Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop!!! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like To Be Buried?
25. Why Can't Mr. Fork And Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
26. Places Where Mommy And Daddy Hide Neat Things
27. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

I nearly pissed myself when I read the last one!

Also, I have a new phrase I want to make my own - 'Ahhh...I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again...'
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chiprj
Gideon MacLeish
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #1 September 7, 2004 11:49:18 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
"Daddy drinks because you cry" would make a great country song. I'm thinking Randy Travis should sing it.
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chiprj
chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #2 September 8, 2004 8:56:12 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
"Daddy drinks because you cry" would make a great country song. I'm thinking Randy Travis should sing it.


That would be pretty funny. I still laugh every time I think of that one...
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chiprj
SSG Geezer
Join Date 08/2004
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Reply #3 September 11, 2004 9:32:16 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
Oh wishful thinking!
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Jae
Join Date 01/0001
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Reply #4 September 11, 2004 10:40:54 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...so funny... (mmm, should I do that double posting thing again? )
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wuxiaomao
Join Date 07/2004
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Reply #5 September 11, 2004 10:53:12 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...so funny...


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Varoom
Join Date 08/2004
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Reply #6 September 11, 2004 10:53:21 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
These were hilarous! Especially # 21 - Pop goes the hamster and other fun microwave games...reminds me of a time years ago when my little brother put his dead goldfish in the microwave to see if it would explode - amazing...it DID!
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chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #7 September 11, 2004 11:01:00 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
reminds me of a time years ago when my little brother put his dead goldfish in the microwave to see if it would explode - amazing...it DID!


Holy crap! I don't think I'd be able to eat out of that microwave ever again! HAHAHAHA!!!
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Varoom
Join Date 08/2004
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Reply #8 September 11, 2004 1:08:53 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Holy crap! I don't think I'd be able to eat out of that microwave ever again! HAHAHAHA!!!

We didn't...good excuse to buy a new microwave and funny....My brother never wanted to eat fish again...even though he lives in CA where the fish is fresh...wonder why??? HAHAHA
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chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #9 September 11, 2004 3:21:46 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
We didn't...good excuse to buy a new microwave and funny


Good call!
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Gideon MacLeish
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #10 September 11, 2004 3:40:23 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
Or how about "101 games you can play with daddy's loaded gun"?, or "why does mommy buy so many cucumbers?"

Sorry, folks...in an ornery mood today.
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chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #11 September 11, 2004 3:56:05 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
"why does mommy buy so many cucumbers?"


I don't remember if I've shared this story before or not, but when I worked in the produce dept of a grocery store many years ago, there was a single mother that shopped in our story regularly. One of the guys in the meat dept knew that she was an exotic dancer and went to see her dance. If he was working, he'd usually come out to say hi to her when she was shopping. Well, her son's name was Dante and he was a handful.

One day, they were in the produce section and I heard Dante's voice - 'Mommy, don't buy any more cucumbers. Last time they were all smelly and sticky in your bed room.'

She gave him a quick backhand, picked him up, and left the store in a hurry. She never came back. Roy, the meat guy, laughed his ass off when I told him, but he was sad that she never returned...
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wuxiaomao
Join Date 07/2004
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Reply #12 September 11, 2004 7:51:42 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
One day, they were in the produce section and I heard Dante's voice - 'Mommy, don't buy any more cucumbers. Last time they were all smelly and sticky in your bed room.'


OOOOh !! no child should ever have to say that!
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dharmagrl
Join Date 02/2004
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Reply #13 September 11, 2004 8:17:23 PM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums

Hahahahahah!!!!!  Brilliant!!!  Even Dave laughed at them!

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chiprj
chiprj
Join Date 06/2004
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Reply #14 September 12, 2004 12:45:07 AM
from JoeUser ForumsJoeUser Forums
OOOOh !! no child should ever have to say that!


But it's funny if they do!!!

Hahahahahah!!!!! Brilliant!!! Even Dave laughed at them!


I thought so, too! I sometimes struggle with cut and pasting stuff I find, but this was an easy call. Had to share it!
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