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EmperorofIceCream

Join Date 09/2004

Why I beat my wife

Or, hurt me/don't hurt me you insufferable bastard

Consider the advantages of being able to administer a sharp beating to your spouse whenever he or she does anything to seriously annoy you.

1. There can be no confusion as to whether you are annoyed or, if punishment is properly handled, as to why you are annoyed.
2. The issue, whatever it may be, is immediately addressed, dealt with, and laid to rest.
3. The proper behaviour expected of your spouse in that given situation will have been made obvious (once again, if the question of punishment is properly handled) and since sharp physical stimuli inculcates a lesson far more effectively than any attempt at persuasion can, the likelihood of a recurrence of the offensive behaviour is much reduced.

Now consider the more commonly practiced alternatives to physical discipline.
1. Passive aggression involving silent resentment.
2. Passive aggression involving persistent recrimination.
3. Anger resulting from one issue being directed toward other issues completely irrelevant to the cause of that anger, with consequent confusion, dismay, and further anger.

Corporal punishment is a contemporary heresy because its been made synonymous with violent physical abuse.

When I say 'I beat my wife' I don't mean I come home from the bar and wail on my wife in undirected and unthinking anger. I punish her in circumstances that are offensive to me on principle - and those principles were made clear and explicit to my wife at the beginning of our relationship.

She sometimes has trouble interpreting those principles on a day to day basis - and understands that corporal punishment will follow from those misundertandings, where her actions (not her intentions) merit it.

This is how it works. My wife often arranges her dishes in a fashion that I find to be illogical, inefficient, and aesthetically displeasing. I made it plain, two or three times, that I was unhappy with her haphazard way with dishes. My wife is a very effective, talented home-maker, so I rarely have need to open a cupboard door.

On the occassions when I do I expect to see them arranged according to my own previously explained preference. My wife, however, interpreted my known preference to mean 'If he doesn't know about it I can do it anyway I want.' Which is in a sense perfectly true. She can. Until I find out.

While working in the kitchen she asked me to help her by unloading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes. I helped because I am her partner in these physical tasks which are necessary for our common good. I will have them done in my way and as pleases me, however.

So in a comradely spirit I opened the dish cupboard expecting to see the remaining dishes inside arranged as I wished them to be, type with type and sorted in order of decreasing size. And in case you are wondering, the type of arrangement employed, its rationality or effectiveness, is immaterial - what counts is that the order employed is the order I prefer.

Instead of a proper arrangement of dishes I found utter bloody chaos - again. Well, perhaps not utter chaos, because she does have her own system. But the point is, it was once again not how I wanted it to be.

I pointed this out to her, wryly, and proceeded to properly arrange the dishes (clean ones included as the washer still needed emptying). Then I picked up a kitchen spatula, bent her over the chair, and saying this was the very last time I was going to show her how I wanted it done all the time, beat her ass with it till the spatula broke.

Her reaction, after, was to grab my ass, kiss me, and tell me she loved me. She also keeps the dish cupboard tidy now.

At this end of the scale I find her infractions as much wryly humorous as annoying. This is very minor shit and treated as such by us both.

On another occasion I gave her over two hundred lashes with a cat o'nine tails, in 7 sets of 30 strokes, as a punishment for actively setting her will against mine by running away and refusing to come home. She challenged me directly by asserting her will over mine, which is not a thing I will at all tolerate in her. It is a fundamental principle of our relationship, known to both from the beginning, that she is not permitted to do so.

So I gave a much needed and very thorough beating, to restore her to a sense of herself in our relationship, to what she is party to by her Will and Decision, driven by her Passions which complement mine.

As you may have gathered, we are partners to a 24/7 total power exchange, s&m relationship, where the power exchange covers everything from the proper order of dishes in cupboards to definition of fundamental status - as implied in 'total'. If it's a kink its a kink in the whole of our reality, not just one small part.

Whether prolonged and serious or short and semi-joking around, punishment is effective only if it produces obedience. As it has in both the instances cited - she does the dishes right and she's not run away again.

And for both of us, the incident of the spatula as well as the incident of the 200 strokes, are now talking points within a shared private history, a source of conversation rather than of bitterness or resentment.

Corporal punishment draws a line under an incident, a point at which it is over with. It enables everyone involved to move on, and leaves behind it a strong incentive to do better in the future.

It's also a lot of fun - for me.

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Good article but it is about as applicable to the rest of society as an instruction manual for weasel masturbation would be.

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

I read the title and author and thought to myself: "Did little_whip's husband change his nick?"

i do wonder how im supposed to cook when half of my utensils have been broken in this fashion.....(

That would be a valid concern. Maybe he can buy you a new set for Christmas.

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I don't know if this blog was a joke or not, but I don't understand the responses of the people who have responded so far....how can anyone make light of this blog? This sounds like emotional and physical abuse and made me sick to even read it. It starts out with getting upset over wanting dishes put one way or the other and physical abuse being administered....where will it escalate to when something more serious happens?

I think you need to be locked up Emporer and I hope your wife has the guts to get away from you. If you were writing this as a joke, then you really crossed the line. If you have every truly known anyone who has had to withstand emotional and physical abuse, and I have, as I had a close friend eventually killed by her controlling husband, then you wouldn't take this so lightly.

I realize you have the right to say what you want, and this is your blog, but JESUS...this is so wrong.

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KarmaGirl

Join Date 03/2001

+118

heehee....this is his third one, btw...im suprised you didnt catch on to the second...

Actually, this is the first that I saw. I haven't been on JU much lately.

don't know if this blog was a joke or not, but I don't understand the responses of the people who have responded so far....how can anyone make light of this blog?

little_whip is his wife. They have explained their relationship before. It is a consensual relationship between two adults who are into s&m. That is why it is said: "As you may have gathered, we are partners to a 24/7 total power exchange, s&m relationship, where the power exchange covers everything from the proper order of dishes in cupboards to definition of fundamental status - as implied in 'total'. If it's a kink its a kink in the whole of our reality, not just one small part."

It's not my thing, but it seems to work for them, and they agree to it. From what I have heard from little_whip's writing, this is what she expected from the relationship, and this is how she prefers it.

I also have a feeling that she could hold her own if needed

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Umm, if an S&M relationship is CONSENSUAL, I don't see how it could be abuse. It's not my personal preference, but I think consenting adults have the right to make their own decisions regarding the nature of their relationship.

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Read my very first article, Varoom...for a description of my previous marriage which was abusive.....

So.....I read your very first article, and I still contend that if your new husband is beating, biting, cutting and choking you, that you can call it what you want, to me that is still abuse, whether you enjoy it or not. I don't condone your lifestyle, it is your choice, and as you say, consensual. I wonder though....do you have kids? Would an impressionable little boy or girl see this as what you see it as or would the little boy see that it is ok to do those things to little girls, and later in life to women who DON"T find it exciting. Would a little girl see "mommy" being beaten, bitten, cut and choked and think that is normal behavior from a male, and find a mate who exhibits these same traits not as a lifestyle?

You have the right to whatever lifestyle you want and have the relationship you want but I hope others are not picking up what they see as normal behavior from a man and a woman. Personally, I see it as setting back equality of women backwards, but that is just my opinion.

You can sugar coat it, but abuse is abuse.

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To Varoom:

I still contend that if your new husband is beating, biting, cutting and choking you, that you can call it what you want, to me that is still abuse, whether you enjoy it or not.

She doesn't enjoy it in any sense that a non-masochist would understand. Pain is pain, whether you are a masochist or an arch-deacon. It takes a particular transformation within the mind and spirit to turn raw pain, self-abnegation and physical humiliation into 'pleasure'.

The true masochist takes no pleasure in the pains that she willingly seeks. She does however take immense satisfaction from having endured them, and regards her bruises and welts with great pride. One of her bitterest complaints is that, after beating certain portions of her anatomy with the riding-crop, no marks are left behind in which she can take pride.

Beating her in that fashion, so as to leave behind few or no signs that the beating took place, is one of the subtler forms of my pleasure as a Sadist and her Master. To the pleasure I take in using the crop on her (which is considerable) is added the pleasure of seeing her chagrin when, on examining herself in the mirror the following morning, she finds no bruises at all.

As most of your second response is taken up with concern for any children we might have, let me set your mind at rest - we have none, and neither have we any intention of bringing yet more useless bags of mobile flesh into the world, with which to further clutter its already grossly-overpopulated surface.

But for the sake of argument let's say that we did have children, or contemplated having children.

Would an impressionable little boy or girl see this as what you see it as or would the little boy see that it is ok to do those things to little girls, and later in life to women who DON"T find it exciting.

Since most adults don't see things in the way that Little_Whip and I see things, I doubt very much that any child would. However, since our more extreme activities (including breath- and blood-play) occur solely within the confines of our bedroom these more extreme forms of behaviour would not be made available to our hypothetical child/children.

Are you a parent, Varoom? If so, do you allow your children to witness what goes on in the way of sex between yourself and your partner/spouse/lover? I doubt it, somehow.

Would a little girl see "mommy" being beaten, bitten, cut and choked and think that is normal behavior from a male, and find a mate who exhibits these same traits not as a lifestyle?

No, your hypothetical little girl would not see any of the things that so concern you. As I pointed out above, such activities occur in private as a part of our sexual lives.

What any such hypothetical child would see, if it shared our lives over a considerable period, is a dominant male administering order in his home, doing so on a basis of consistent rules, doing so without being amenable to emotional blackmail, or insisting that 'If you love me, really, really, love me, you'll do what I want'. That child would therefore learn that wheedling, cajoling, the throwing of temper tantrums and weeping fits, are no proper part of adult behaviour and would in later life be free of the temptation to indulge in them.

I'm entirely certain that my wife loves me - and she is entirely certain that I will have her be obedient whether she loves me or not, and that the fact of her love for me or mine for her will not save her from a beating when her actions have earned one, and so is not available to her as an excuse for her behaviour when that behaviour offends me.

Any child who spent considerable time in our company would learn what rules are, what obedience is, and that the penalty for disobedience is immediate punishment. He or she would also learn that punishment gracefully suffered wipes out the original offence, that suffering breeds character and self-discipline so that a particular offence is far less likely to reoccur, and that punishment only breeds obedience when it is enacted against a background of justice. Which, incidentally, is why greywar is wrong when he says that our lifestyle is

as applicable to the rest of society as an instruction manual for weasel masturbation would be.

You have the right to whatever lifestyle you want and have the relationship you want but I hope others are not picking up what they see as normal behavior from a man and a woman.

I thank my God that, so far as our intimate personal relationship is concerned, there is nothing remotely normal about our behaviour - if by normal you are referring to the state of passive aggression, recrimination and secret resentment that seems to typify much of contemporary marital relations in society as a whole.

Personally, I see it as setting back equality of women backwards

In what sense are you using the term 'equality'?

In our personal relations there are ways in which my wife is my superior. She has a much firmer grasp of the intricacies of mathematics than I do. She is much better at organizing the day to day activities of the house, those tasks which are necessary to our common good and in which I am her co-worker, than I am. Her life-experience has been wildly different to mine, and provides me with inspiration and insights which could be got nowhere else and for which I am profoundly thankful.

Since I make no claim that all women ought to be treated in the way that I treat my wife how does our life together 'set back the equality of women' generally?

Further, there are others who practice Dominant/subordinate relations 24/7 but in a mirror-image of our roles, so that among them the female is dominant and the male subordinate. Does such a relationship promote the 'equality' of women in your view?

Or are you referring to 'equality' in the sense of equal rights for all? My wife is a citizen, and I am not. Her rights, political and civil, are greater and more extensive than mine. When I become a citizen in about four years from now, my rights will be equal to but not greater than hers, and that will not change whether I beat her black and blue, or shower her with roses and chocolates, day in and day out for the rest of our natural lives together.

In what sense, then, does our relationship set back equality for women?

I make no claims that my wife as a woman is inferior to me as a man. I make no claims that women in general are inferior to men (I don't make them because I believe such claims to be false) and in general I am in favor of all individuals, of whatever sex, gender, color or creed, being able to progress in society, so long as they do so through their own effort and merit.

Master/slave relations are not, any longer, something which has to do with legal, social or economic status. They are about existential facts, and as such are altogether divorced from discussions of 'equality'.

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neither have we any intention of bringing yet more useless bags of mobile flesh into the world

Well, I have been lurking largely because I am at a loss for words . . . what you guys do is not something I would choose in my own life, but it seems like it's working out nicely for the two of you, so more power to ya. The way you described children made me laugh . . . and for that, mr. icecreamemperor, I give you an insightful. "useless bags of mobile flesh" *shakes head and chuckles*

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He's never had children so i suppose He forgot the fact that you can use them as cheap slave labor once they get a bit older...."Go do them dishes NOW, kiddo, and i'll give you a cookie." So theyre not entirely useless.....lol.

Yes, for a dom, he's quite impractical. If he only realized that by producing more children with you, he could increase the scope of his empire, you'd be a baby making factory, LW....lol

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using corporal punishment to discipline your child as opposed to ones wife.

The difference here is a consensual relationship versus non LW. A big big one.

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To greywar:

The difference here is a consensual relationship versus non LW. A big big one.

Being the child of particular parents, being a member of a particular family, is itself a non-consensual act. You didn't consent to be born (just as, I imagine, you will not consent to die). Being born is something that happens to you. Being subjected to your parents' ideas of proper discipline, or lack of them, is not something you consent to (though its often something against which the young rebel) - it just happens, as a necessary condition of being human and living, like it or not, in a particular society.

Parent-child relationships are not consensual, nor should they be. Just as a child has a natural right to the the love, protection and nuturing that ought to be provided to it by its parents, so there is a natural obligation upon the child to obey those who fulfil the requirements of that provision.

The obligation of the child to its parents has a twofold basis. First, the child owes its existence as a human individual, absolutely, utterly, and entirely completely, to its parents. Without a mother, without a father, no human individual can exist, and therefore the entirety of any child's existence is based upon a fundamental debt of gratitude for the very fact of that existence. Our parents were here first, and we owe them because of it.

Secondly, every parent incurs immense costs over the time in which its child is dependent upon him or her for its material existence. The child owes to its parents the cost of the food they put in its mouth, the cost of the clothes on its back, the shoes on its feet, the shelter which keeps it warm and safe at night - as well as the cost of the education which, largely, determines its chances for success in its adult life.

And in none of these aspects of debt, obligation, or gratitude is there any relation whatsoever of consent.

What passes between a parent and child in such matters is not consent but recognition; the recognition of an existential fact, parenthood or childhood, depending upon which point of view the matter is seen from. One does not consent to existential facts, one lives them - whether in rebellion against them or in collaboration with them.

The same is true of the existential facts of my relationship to my wife and hers to me. I did not consent to being her Master. I am her Master, simply in virtue of being who I am. She did not consent to be my slave; she is my slave, in virtue of being who she is. Consent nowhere enters into such things - but recognition does.

Her obligation to me, to be obedient to my will, does not derive from some paltry contract written upon paper (as it does in many so-called Master/slave relationships). It derives from her unwilling recognition of her own nature, and the galling insight that I am as necessary to the fulfilment of that nature as breath is to her continued physical existence. The fact that S&M is a large part of the expression of our marriage has far more to do with the interaction of our individual natures as sexual persons in our own right than it has anything to do with the Master/slave relationship per se.

Even if our sexual interests were purely vanilla in every regard, I would still be her Master, she would still be my slave, and I would enforce my will as I do now - at every turn where she seeks to reject it by disobeying me. She did not consent to be my slave any more than I consented to be her Master - or you consented to becoming the child of your parents.

Nontheless you are that child, just as I am what I am and she is what she is. Your suggestion that consent plays some role in these matters is akin to suggesting that mountains choose to be mountains, rather than mole-hills. Which is, of course, nonsense. They don't choose at all. They simply are mountains.

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To Texaswahine:

The way you described children made me laugh . . . and for that, mr. icecreamemperor, I give you an insightful.

Thank you.

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To Gideon MacLeish:

While my reply to greywar should demonstrate that I have no real use for the concept of consent in the particular instance of my marriage (since I believe it to be irrelevant in these matters) I do agree with the Libertarian impulse that you express.

I think consenting adults have the right to make their own decisions regarding the nature of their relationship

If I substitute the phrase 'adults capable of recognising their particular human condition' for 'consenting adults' the statement retains its original sense and is one I can agree with.

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