No one on here knows me, and that's probably a good thing too. I'm a really horrid person to be around as of late. Actually, I'm probably not that bad, but my breaking point is coming up--fast. Normally I'm quite good at controlling my emotions, but lately they are just changing randomly, and it's not from PMS. Unless I've had PMS for the last 3 months.
I suppose I should give some background info just in case someone decides to actually read this. I'm 22 years old and live in a town in southeastern Washington state. I go to college full time and work anywhere from 20 to 35 hours a week at a well known retailer in their cash office. Which equates to not having a lot of down time. My younger brother (he's 13) just went back home, but when he's here I'm the primary caregiver. He has several special needs because of a couple of disorders (a bone disorder that makes him break easily, and a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder). I live with my father, who works nights at a grocery store in town, and has no concept of what anyone else's needs may be. I love him dearly but the man is very self-centered. Which is why the burden of caring for a very demanding 13 year old falls on my shoulders. My brother lives in Northern British Columbia the majority of the year with my mother, and comes to stay with us for a month or two during the summers.
My dad and I live in a duplex that's owned by a man that has been in a nursing home for the last year, whose wife just died. Meaning I'm having to move. So, on top of everything else I have going on, I have to find time to house-hunt, and pack. I thought my dad and I were okay financially, he'd not told me otherwise. However, recently I found out that we can't afford more than $450 a month in rent, or a house payment. Mind you, the cost of living here isn't extremely high, but it's high enough that you can't get into a decent neighborhood for less than $700. We are completely broke. I have no idea how we're going to come up with the first/last/deposit that's required to rent a place. My dad is relying on being able to sell his credit at a local jeweler's (he has a $3000 credit for a returned engagement ring from a couple years ago) to cover the expenses of the move. He's a proud man, and refuses to ask for help, but we need help damnit! I have no clue how we're going to be able to do this. Then, after I leave home, I don't know how my dad will be able to pay without me helping out. I don't know how to make my dad understand that I'm not going to be here forever, and he needs to find a place he can afford on his own.
I'm trying to "stay strong" and not have a mental breakdown, but I'm pretty darned close right now. I have some minor problems with depression, I'm sure they're completely genetic because mental health is not all that great on my mother's side of the family. I've always suffered from bouts of depression, usually compounded by stress, but normally I can fake-smile my way through it. That fake-smile is getting awfully hard to put on in the morning though now. I feel like I'm spinning down a black hole with nothing to grab on to.
