This has been one sucky week.
First a lesson on bi-polar...or what I truely have is cyclothymia which is sort of "bi-polar lite".(still sucks) This is a chemical imbalance in your brain chemistry which causes varying forms of mania (highs) or depression (lows) but usually I stay safely somewhere in the middle..ahh the mircle age of medications.. = ) I am also one of the lucky ones that don't have to be hospitalized (at least not yet and I am quickly approaching 50...yeck) but roughly every 2 - 3 years I "cylce" which means no matter what, I am going through rapid changes in sleep patterns, major mood swings, etc. not like you see depicted in he movies, but just enough that it is a Bitch and I have to adjust my meds for awhile and get through it. I also find I am a lucky one because I have read so much about this disorder that once I realize a "cycle" is on I jump on it and see the doctor. Sometimes external situations or problems can trigger a cycle.
Boy, did that happen to me. Saturday I decided to help my husband with yard work by mowing the 3 acres out of our 10 that we actually have to mow. He was burning brush off so I go out to get to it. Lawn tractor is sitting by the shed so I go to get on and notice that a part isn't on it that keeps the flap where the grass clippings shoot out up out of the way...we need a new tractor...I walk around the side of it to fix it and what the heck do I do? Step in a #@!@###@ hole and drop like a sack of potatoes. Now as I am going down in what seems like slo-mo I am thinking "don't put your arm out, don't put your arm out" as I personally know 3 people in the last 2 years that have put their arm out to break their fall, and they succeeded...and broke the arm at the elbow. Nothing broken, but i came as close as I ever want to, to breaking my ankle. Very banged up, black/blue everywhere and swollen ankle/foot/knee....you get the picture. Fast forward to next sucky item for the week. We have 3 - 6 month old kittens (yes, we are crazy and no grandchildren as of yet) and we have just had all 3 fixed last week. Well Tuesday night I hear one of them getting sick..oh thank you so much at 3 am even though I have to get up at 4:30 am for work (now you know that there is something wrong with me) Anyway, I get up but can't get around that well so I wake up my husband and we do a head count and can't find one. Hear her get sick again and realize she is under the bed in between the space created by the underbed drawers. Bruce opens the end of the underbed space and pulls out Taffy. All I could do at that point was scream "oh my God. oh my God" over and over. She had vomitted so strongly that she popped all the stiches and there was all of her intestines out of her body cavity. Now this is not something you want to happen at anytime but definitly not at 4:30am. Thank God that the vet lives close and her clinic is 1/2 mile away cause she meet us there and my husband helped the vet by handing her what she needed as she checked Taffy out and put everything back where it belonged. Seems that cats will generally puke until they get rid of whatever it was they shouldn't have tried to eat where dogs digestive systems try to pass it through. She had gotten into some plastic wrap off of a CD that was in a wastebasket and her system didn't like it and tried to get rid of it. I am vey happy to report that Taffy is doing well. Next suckiness....My boss (female) hates cats an didn't understand why I missed work for that day since it happend so early. Well, I pretty much hobbled to the phone without my support brace on since we weren't dressed yet thereby causing my whole foot to swell twice it's size again so I spent the day with foot up and ice on...plus it does do a number on you to see something like that first thing in the morning and have to deal with it so medication was my friend per doc orders. Talk about triggers!! Boy I am cycling now and it sucks! I have only missed the one day even with my accident but right now it is tough since my cycle is here with a vengence and coping is hard when bad things happen and the cycle is going up and down the emotional rollercoaster like notes on a music scale. Try having about every variation of mood you can in the shortest amount of time possible and still have to cope with driving, working, taking care of yourself and others....all the normal daily parts of living while trying desparately to act and be as normal as possible.
General population does not understand what this is like. You hear the comments...."oh just snap out of it"....wish I could. "If you were just a stronger person"....you try living with this type of mental disorder (such a polite way of saying mental illness isn't it??) or any type of mental disorder and see how strong you must be on a daily basis in order to keep a job and family. It's a damn hard job in and of itself. I refuse to appologize to anyone for reacting strongly to what happened to Taffy. Our animals have always been a part of the family. Not equal but damn near to being one of the kids and are much loved. And it is true that pets can help to keep you sane (or lower blood pressure..etc)
I have decided to get it out either on paper (so outdated isn't it??) or on a blog since I just discovered them (never said I was tech savy) as part of on-going therapy. No matter who you are or what your life is like, it's good to vent...better if it can be productive. Maybe through this someone else that is in that rocky boat of flip-flop emotion extremes of bi-polar hell might realize they are not alone, that some of us know what it is like to live with it daily.
