The Animals are going to get us...

They are more than capable you know!

Individually, Humans as a species have got the wood on the animal kingdom… If a monkey wants to pick a fight with a human, he can pretty much guarantee a career as a lipstick tester for the rest of his meagre life… some monkeys look good in lipstick, but I am sure they would much rather be tomfooling about in the forests!!! One day, humans are going to take it too far, and we will have a war of epic proportions on our hands.

Independently, a bunch of lipstick shy monkeys don’t have much hope in defeating the genius that is the human race, but should the animal’s all of the sudden become disenchanted with the neglect they endure from the human species – neglect that comes in the form of disrespect, I am sure they will unite and organise in a wave of hostility towards their up-standing mammal relatives.

We have dolphins that operate on sonar… they need not their eyes; a simple click of the jaw can tell them our exact location! Sure, we aren’t susceptible to the viscous flippers of the sea, however, one day, I suspect the dolphins might get a bit peeved with being mistaken for the less intelligent tuna, and should we be foolish enough to canoodle in their domain, the Dolphins have an intelligence that is totally alien to us, and I am sure they are ore than capable of teaming up with some rather large White Pointer sharks to add a little brute to their intelligence.

The Shark is the most evolved of all species on this earth, its body and brain has been finely tuned to become the master predator of the seas… Sharks are not the only worry in the ocean though; I keep a watch on the Octopus. Who doesn’t love a nice bit of calamari from time to time? Little do we know that Octopi are actually capable of solving problems! They can open and shut doors with ease, and they are a mass of brain activity controlling their tentacles with ease and beautiful co-ordination… being consumed by a giant Octopus is a fear of note… they have razor sharp pincers for crab consummation, and they can quite easily draw you into their grasps with their suction cuffs, and mince human flesh far easier than crustacean snacks… crabs taste a lot nicer than humans I am sure… and Octopi do have crab nets to thank for many of their meals, but I am still afraid of the water

The land is not so safe either… We have birds like the Raven, who at a mature age, can provide genuine insight into the problem solving skills of the ‘lesser’ species. Conduct a practical research experiment… tie some meat to a piece of string and hang it from a horizontal bar… you will see that young Raven will incessantly continue to try and snatch the meat from the string by flying into it, however, this is completely useless. Alternatively, the older and wiser Raven, will assess the situation, sit on top of the horizontal bar, and utilise its beak and claw to drag the string towards it – solving the problem and eating the meat on the first attempt…

We also have the perilous Galah in Australia, causing much grief amongst the farmers due to their ability to figure out how to infiltrate grain supplies. The pesky devils have been rendering hession bags quite useless… they know where we keep our stashes… not to mention the insolent galahs that have learnt the art of speech! Driving neighbours crazy with profanities mixed with squawks! No wonder Alfred Hitchcock was so inspired.

A bird’s natural instinct can be used against it though, which is why we are perhaps still grand poo bah on this planet. Geese take a mental imprint of the first thing they see when they open their eyes, and this is known as their mother – which they follow indiscriminately for the reminder of their youthful life… so, in theory, if the birds get to uppity, we can just get some eggs, and raise them as our own, and we can use them to our advantage!!! *Mwa hahahahaha*

So far, I am convinced that as a whole, humans can take on any individual species, and even some collaborating, however, once the bugs get involved, it’s all over for us. Organisation is the key, and even the most anal retentive HR officers or personal assistant has organisational skills that are dwarfed by the bugs. Bugs are commanded and organised based wholly on instinct. When a termite is attacked, a pheromone is released that let’s all it’s termite buddies know there is a threat – this is instantaneous, if this tool was available to the rest of the animal kingdom, we would be in big, big trouble.

Should humans one day go too far, and it’s not un-feasible that we have underestimated the alien intelligence of animals; I am joining whatever side Steve Irwin the Crocodile hunter joins… Crikey, that man is an animal; he’ll know what to do!!!

BAM!!!

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