It is hard for me to write this article. It is taking a lot of guts for me to do this, especially over the internet. But I feel that I need to inform those who don't understand. I am a self mutilator. My entire life I have fabricated different stories to explain my scars. Today though I had to face up to it, because for some reason I couldn't come up with a lie for my latest wounds. Normally one jumps out of my mouth before I even think of it. But today I was confronted about it by a friend and for some reason I froze. They became upset and asked me, "Why do you want to die?" I think that people (except for those that are "cutters") think that people who intentionally hurt themselves want to die. That couldn't be further from the truth in most cases. If I wanted to die I wouldn't cut my legs and arms or burn my self with cigarettes. I would blow my brains out. Some people handle physical pain better than emotional. That would be me. Alot of people have other self destructive ways to self medicate. Some drink to excess, do drugs, over-eat, or a number of other things to deal with the pain. For people like me the physical pain takes my mind off my emotional pain. I have tried to find other outlets. My art for example but for some reason sooner or later I come back to this behavior. I don't want to be this way but I have been doing it for so long I don't know any different I hope that some day it something I wont ever have to turn to. If you are reading this and are a self mutilator please at least try to get help, hopefully you can find a new outlet. If you are a person who has someone you love that you suspect is doing this please don't confront them right away because it will just scare them and make them clam up because you both will be very emotional. For a few days just show them a little extra love and attention. Try to find out what is hurting them. When you feel comfortable and ready sit them down and voice your concerns. If they are ready for help then they will come to you. If you confront them while still upset it will make things worse. There are several websites that you can go to for guidence because I am far from an expert on treating this, but I only give you this advice because I know what is going on in their head. Wether you are reading this article because you are a loved one or are the cutter themselves I wish you luck. If you are just reading this because you felt like it I hope it gives you and understanding of this problem. I'm glad I have been able to finally speak about this to someone even though I dont know you. Thank you.
