Old, bitter and lonely

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I fucking hate demographics, stereotypes, statistical generalisations and inductive manipulations.

I hate it even more when all the above seem to prove themselves as valid mechanisms to measure and judge a whole suburb.

My father has recently opened a business in a somewhat swanky area of Sydney. Harbour views and stately houses on expansive plots of land that diminish you in size as they proportionately increase in value. Young, double income families with branded children in small, foul wheel drive type things that magpies attack in frenzy, driven to madness by so many shiny things.

I was originally excited by the move from an area that was working class and vulgar, populated with lurid men in vans that used language as some sort of primitive club and thought showing their ass cracks was showing class and refinement.

This excitement has been dampened in short order. The move has shown me that all socio-economic groups are as deplorable as each other. I have figured that they all share one constituent that makes each and every one of them deplorable – humans.

Not only do humans create and implement stereotypes and gross simplifications, they simply refuse not to conform to them.

Are the people in this new and exclusive area –

a) educated, but still easily led astray by advertising campaigns that your university buddies concocted in over priced, hell-bent-on-world-domination advertising agencies – check

upwardly mobile in all ways that don’t involve spiritual fulfilment, talking to people taking donations for the needy or enlightened political causes that actually require personal involvement – check

c) environmentally conscious – check (as attested by the reusable, green shopping bags they all carry around like a calling card, stocked with bio-degradable and organic, chemical free products)

d) Drink lattes from Starbucks while wearing brand name exercise clothing which they use for both exercise and those late morning, Sunday brunches with “colleagues” and “associates” - check

e) exhibit an acute awareness of political correctness while being oblivious to the daily practicalities of pluralism and ethnic diversity – check

f) complain about the “quality” of things like the dilettante experts they pretend to be – check

g) think children are those funky things you strap to your chest to prove you are a new age sensitive guy and throw into child care so you can play golf in the name of “networking”, and your wife can work on acquiring that $5000 shoe collection she’s always wanted - check

h) wear fashion that they think screams out individualism and then look down the nose of their Dolce&Gabbana black rimmed glasses in disdain at the person next to them who happens to be wearing exactly the same jeans with those fabulous leather boots that someone told them was exclusive - check

I think I might have to stop here. It might be better for my health, being one of those Type- A people and all.

I don’t really hate the whole area by the way. I think it’s lovely and cosmopolitan with amazing views from several locations of the harbour and all its delights. The streets are tree lined and on weekend mornings you can hear birds singing, accompanied by the smell of tree blossoms and freshly ground coffee.

I think the area is wonderful.

It’s the people I hate.

It’s me who’s going to end up old, bitter and lonely.

I know.

Heard it a million times.

Don’t care.

The old, bitter and lonely have the sour satisfaction of being right.

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