He would never say it, but it's just human nature, if he had a choice of course he is going to choose a buff, skinny sexy woman. I feel very bad that I cannot be that for him because he deserves it. He is a good looking guy and we definitely don't match.

You know, sometimes I wish that I could reach through cyberspace and smack people. 

Now is one of those times.

Adrian chose, is choosing and continues to choose YOU, Brandie.  YOU.  As you are now, were in the past, and will be in the future.  Whether you weight 100lbs or 300lbs, whether you have a tan or not, whether you're flat chested or have long hair or are as bald as a fucking cueball.  YOU. 

 It's NOT human nature to want to have a buff wife; if that were the case none of us women who weigh over 100lbs would be married, and as for you two not matching, well.....that's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say.

I understand how it is to be uncomfortable with your body; I'm not very happy about living in my skin as it is right now.  I've gained a lot of weight - compared to how much I used to weigh, that is - and I don't care for it.  I know how you feel, kid.  But you can't be so hard on yourself, Tex.  You gotta cut yourself some slack.  You weigh less today than you did before you got pregnant, and you're still breastfeeding so you can't diet too much.  You WILL get smaller, and Adrian will love you just as much then as he does now.  They're boys, honey.  They're happy just to get to be naked with us; they don't quibble over 10lbs here or there.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Christ knows you've got enough stress in your life without you adding to it.

This boy totally agrees   

I'm going to add my 2 cents here too.

I know how you feel. I know EXACTLY how you feel cause I am in the same boat. It doesn't matter what anyone says, it's still frustraing to hear that obnoxious voice in the back of your head critisizing yourself. I'm right with you on that.

That being said, turn the lights down a bit, put some sexy music on and dance. Feel good about how curvy and sexy you are. Then get dressed, turn the lights on and go live your life like you have a sexy theme song playing all the time to remind you that you are fantastic...

Dude. You know your hubby thinks you're hot.

And I hear you're in someone's "hot military wives" friends list. So he must not be the only one.


On the other hand, as someone who'd like to lose 20 pounds himself, I can relate to what you're talking about. The only person I want to look better for is me (well, and "my" soldiers, so I can set a good example), but I think I can relate, at least in some way. If you decide to put your efforts into losing more weight, I think you'll get a lot of support from your online friends.

As others have said above, please don't worry about your appearance this much.  If your husband doesn't like *you* and wants something different, than your appearance isn't going to change that.  If you absolutely feel that you need to be smaller than you currently are, then work on a healthy diet and a reasonable fitness program and tone areas that you can.

Worrying over not being a stick figure that looks like the latest in People magazine is not healthy.  The hot bods that are seen out there in the media are not realistic.  Not that real people can't look similar to those body frames, it is just not something anyone should fret over.

Continue to be a good mother to your children and stay active with them.  Perhaps walk with them and push a stroller with the little one while you walk a reasonable brisk pace.  It'll help you work your cardio and give you quality time with your children while not letting you freak over your appearance (or at least it shouldn't let you).  While you are out walking with the little ones take notice of the other real people around you and see just how many you'd really feel are the tight bodies that you spoke of in your article.  I'd bet it isn't really that many.  (And if it is, then dammit, send some of them to the East Coast because there is a deficit here )

InBloom: I think you're *stunning*.

It is nice to hear that other women deal with this too. Thank you for the kind words.

dharma: You know, I understand that it's stupid and not constructive, and have even rolled my eyes when other women have expressed similar thoughts, but for some reason it's still there.

It is not easy living in a world filled with so many beautiful people.

I know Adrian loves me and I know he accepts me but I do feel like he deserves more. I wish I were able to give that to him.

I appreciate your advice and encouragement. You have a very inspirational outlook on femininity and body acceptance. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're way hot.

Jythier & Maso: LOL. Tell that to my TV!

Loca: Thank you. You're so sweet.

There are times when I feel pretty ok about me, but then when I think of myself in comparison to other people I fall way short.

I don't want Isabella to do this. It's not a burden I want to pass on to here. I am so neurotic about this and I really would love to learn not to be.

I do appreciate what my body has done. It really does amaze me. I guess I should try to focus on that.

Haha, I do think Adrian and I go together like pizza and beer personality-wise.

LH: Thanks. I know it is annoying as hell to hear women do this, but at the same time...can't help it! I'm not glad you go through this too, but I'm glad you can relate.

It is hard to feel sexy or attractive when you are alone and untouched for so long. And I'm sure you understand that too.

Mason: LOL. All the other daddies were in size zeros and your fat ass was squeeeeezing into 10s?

pseudosoldier: Thanks. Not to be pervy, but it does feel nice to hear it from a guy.

I understand about setting the good example for your Soldiers thing. Adrian is big on that and is up in the gym working on his fitness over there in Iraq.

I just don't have the commitment he has...although I don't know where he found that cause he used to be a 6'0", 175 lb couch potato. LOL.

I think I do want to put effort into losing weight, at least to get myself into the "healthy" area even if it's high-end healthy. I don't know if I want to do it tomorrow or the next day though. LOL. I feel like I'm wasting time not doing this while Adrian is away, but it stresses me the hell out to try.

Thanks for the support.

straniera: Thanks. I'll bet you're beautiful and a very sleek 10-14.

I hope someday I can just be happy with myself. I just have a fear that everyone else is judging me and noting my flaws.

terp: I actually walk my boys to and from school 5 days a week with Izzy strapped on me (20+ lbs). It is a good start to my day to get a little bit of activity in and the sunshine helps wake me up and soften depression.

I have a treadmill which I hit irregularly. I do some Pilates and Cardio Strip-tease, but not consistently.

I do have to be careful about cutting too many calories since I am BFing, so maybe I just need to focus on upping my exercise. I always have good intentions of doing so but then my resolve fades away.

Thanks for the encouragement and the tips.

PS - There are some serious hottie moms here. No joke.

Marcie: Thanks. That's really sweet.

I do know some people who are like you've described...super hot and a total dud in the personality department. I guess personality does really color our perception of people, too.

I do FEEL healthy, I just wish I had a body more like some of my friends. Which I guess is not realistic.

Although one of my really hot girlfriends said she would "totally do" me, and that made me feel better, haha.

Breastfeeding is really great, Marcie, and I hope you can make it work when you have your babies. You will love it. Not just the weight loss, but the bonding and all the other stuff. It is wonderful.

You are such a caring, sweet woman, Marcie. Thank you!

dharma: You know, I understand that it's stupid and not constructive, and have even rolled my eyes when other women have expressed similar thoughts, but for some reason it's still there. It is not easy living in a world filled with so many beautiful people. I know Adrian loves me and I know he accepts me but I do feel like he deserves more. I wish I were able to give that to him. I appreciate your advice and encouragement. You have a very inspirational outlook on femininity and body acceptance. Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're way hot

That comment about me being hot made ME roll my eyes.

I know how hard it is to live in a world of beautiful women, and I also know how hard it is to have a buff husband go off on missions to countries where foreign girls will do ANYTHING to get with a GI.  ANYTHING.  It's those situations that make me take a deep breath and let go.  Let go, and trust him.  Trust him when he said he's not into anyone but YOU.  Trust him to behave himself when he's out with the boys.

Let go, Tex.  Let go of all your insecurities, let go of your body image issues.  Let go of them.....

 

Stop feeling guilty - get as buff as him. It shouldn't take too long, just go through BT. That's what, 8 weeks? No time at all.  

Grant yourself some patience if you're trying to attain some weight goal.

And if you're not, or don't feel inclined to, I think the consensus here is that you're beautiful just how you are. I agree with that consensus.

They're happy just to get to be naked with us

/signed

Preferrably with more than one of you. Crap...that wasn't my church voice.

Late to the party.

Tex, I don't know how it is for other women, but for me the difference between my girly body and my woman's body was having children.

When I was a teenager I looked at women and thought..."Why are they so much more lush?  More feminine?"

Then the kids came and wa-la, I understood.  Having children changes your body.  It doesn't mean you have to be heavier, but I think for most women it takes them up a size or more.  (My foot size increased a 1/2 size with each of my kids..same with ring fingers.)

All that to say...imho if you are truly watching what you eat, and feel you're getting enough exercise, then what else can you do that is realistic?  You are the mother of three children, its not like "me" time is so abundant you can exercise all day.  And who the heck would want too anyway?

I hope you get to a place where you know you are beautiful and flaunt it.