My daughter is friends with a girl who has Asperger Syndrome.  Asperger is a form of high-functioning autism, typically charecterized by issues with social and communication skills.  You can read more about it here:Link

'T' is being raised by her maternal grandparents.  Her mother couldn't handle her and abandoned her when she was young - she's since gone on to have other children, but T has remained with her grandparent, whom she refers to as 'mom and dad'. 

T's mom doesn't approve of my husband or I.  She thinks that we're inferior because we have tattoos and I have un-natural colored hair. She's basing her opinion on an incident that occured last summer:  T came over to our house one day to hang out with Shea, and I let them fool around with makeup.  Dave had talked to T's dad when he dropped her off and flat out told him that Shea and T were going to be doing each other's makeup and nails and hair - T's dad had said that as long as it washed out/off, it was ok.  So, when T's mum came to pick her up a couple of hours later, we didn't expect her to have the meltdown that she did.  She had an ab-so-lute fit and apparently screamed at T the whole way home - and then for the most of the evening.  That was the night that I first became aware of what she does to T when she's pissed - something that I consider to be abuse.

Let me start by explaining that most kids with Asperger syndrome are scared of change.  They don't like it; they thrive on same-ness.  T is terrified of change.  Scared to death of it.  Pretty typical behaviour for an Asperger kid.

T's mother will, when T's done something that she doesn't like, threaten to send her away.  She'll threaten to either a) drop her off at the police station and drive away, threaten to call the police and have T taken away, c) threaten to send T away to live with her 'real' mum, or d) tell T that she's going to call 'someone' to come and get her to take her away.  All of these threats are prefaced by "pack your bags; put all of your things in there because you're not staying here anymore".

I got to personally witness this the night that T went home from our house.  T called ME - not Shea, ME - 7 or 8 times that night, crying hysterically and terrified that she was going to get "sent away!!!".  I heard her mother banging on T's bedroom door, ranting about how the police were on their way.  So, I'm  not working on second-hand information here, I've got actual first-hand knowledge.

To me, what T's mother is doing is abusive.  She KNOWS that child is terrified of change, but she uses it each and every time T does something that she doesn't care for.  It pisses me off, it really does.  T has enough problems, she doesn't need an abusive parent to add to her woes.

Last night, T had gone to the firework display in her home town, and had gotten into an altercation with a boy who's been bothering her for ages.  'B' has been poking fun at and generally being a shite towards T for months, and T had finally had enough last night.  She hit him.....and when she was done hitting him, she hit the police officer who came to see what the fuss was all about.  T ended up in handcuffs - apparently her mother's constant threats of police intervention have given T a nice little phobia about police officers in general.  When T had finally calmed down and was sent home in her mother's custody, guess what her mum did? 

Told her to pack her bags because the police were coming to get her.

I am at a loss for words, JU.  I have typed and deleted many, many times - everything from 'WTF' to 'what a bitch' to 'am I the only one who finds what she's doing wrong?'.  I'm dismayed at what happened to T and at what she did to others, but I'm finding most of my anger directed at her mom.  What she did - and is still doing - is akin to the mother of a child terrified of monsters telling them every night before they go to bed 'I'm going to get the monsters!  I'm going to tell them that you're alone in your bed and that they can come and get you now!'.  What kind of a parent does that?

I'll tell you what kind of a parent does that.  A piss poor one.  A lame-ass excuse for a parent.  Don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm lauding myself here, that I'm patting myself on the back and awarding myself the 'Parent of The Year' award - that's far from true.  I wouldn't, however, play on my child's fears, Asperger Syndrome or not, and that's precisely what this woman is doing.

Just goes to show you that the old adage is true (except I'm going to twist it a little so it fits this gender): any woman can be a parent, but it takes someone special to be a mom.