I turn 38 on Saturday. 

My husband keeps asking what I want for my birthday.  I keep saying yarn and knitting supplies.  He keeps asking what kind of yarn and knitting supplies, can I please narrow that down a little and give him a more defined answer.  I keep saying yarn and knitting supplies.  And a T-shirt.  Or two T-shirts.  One that says 'knit or go home' and another one that says 'knit happens'.  If he manages to get his hands on them, I'll wear them when I teach class. 

I did get the job, btw.  I'm teaching at least 2, maybe 3 classes a week.  $30 for 3 two-hour classes, and I get to keep 90% of that $30 fee.  I think that I'm going to limit the class to 6 people at a time - I can always add more classes if the demand is high. I'd rather have a smaller class and be able to give each student the attention they need than a larger class and students walking away not having learned much.  I'm really looking forward to teaching; I'm literally getting paid to knit.  That's awesome.

I'm starting to feel resentful towards my male patient.  I was afraid that this would happen - and now it has.  He's not an easy person to get along with, and as time has passed he's deteriorated mentally and physically and he's near impossible to deal with now.  He's got some very funny ideas about the way things work:

I had mixed the Mrs' pain medications one day (she can't swallow the Lortab's whole so I crush them and mix them with some applesauce)  and had set them aside on the counter whilst I made her some Instant Breakfast.  He got quite agitated about that and told me that I had to hurry up and give it to the Mrs because "as soon as that medicine gets mixed with water it starts to work!  If you don't hurry all the medicine will have run out and she won't get any benefit from it!!"

Oookay.

He showed me a spider he had caught a couple of months ago this morning.  He had it in a little paper cup, covered with cling wrap.  It was obviously dead; it was partially dessicated and all of its legs had broken off, but he said that he had bought it back to life a couple of weeks ago by adding water to it and that if we added a drop or two of water to it, it would come alive again.  I expressed my doubt, saying that I didn't know of any arachnids that could be perpetually resurrected by adding water to them, but he swore blind that it happened and that it would happen again.

He added water to the cup.

The spider didn't move.

I said that it was dead.

He said it took a couple of minutes.  10 minutes went by.

The spider was still dead.

He said that it took a couple of days, and he went and put the cup and the spider in a bag and put it in the medicine closet.  I went and looked at it after a couple of hours.

The spider was still dead, and it will STILL be dead when I go and look at it tomorrow - right before I throw it in the garbage.

That's not what really ticked me off today, though.  Today he managed to make me want to quit, to call in tomorrow and tell him that he's going to have to find someone else to look after him and his wife (I adore his wife; she's an absolute sweetheart and I just love her to pieces).  Because I adore his wife, it takes a lot for me to consider not looking after them any more.

He had a physician's appointment this morning.  We spent Monday and Tuesday arranging for a ride to and from the doctor's office for him so that I could stay home and look after his wife - he at first tried to persuade me that I could drive him to a fro, that his wife would be alright at home alone.  Considering that she fell and hurt herself a little over a week ago, there was no way I was willing to do that.  No way.  So, we got him a ride there with a neighbor and his daughter-in-law was picking him up and bringing him home when he was done.  I told him that I had to go home on time today because our landline phone was down again, and I wasn't about to leave the kids alone in the house whilst the repair man was there - I had to be there for his scheduled 1230 visit.   I also don't like leaving the kids alone without a house phone for too long - I like to be able to check in on them every once in a while. He said that he'd be home directly after his appointment so that I could go home.

As he was leaving the house this morning (10 minutes before his appointment time - it's a 20 minute drive there) he said 'I may be done by noon - but then again I may not!'

Great.  Thanks for telling me. 

So, I waited.  And waited.  1145 came around, and there was no sign of him.  No phone calls either.  Noon.  No phone call, and no Mr.  At ten after, I called the daughter-in-law.  She answered, and said that he'd just gotten done and that she knew I needed to get home so they'd be along shortly.  I said ok, and that I'd wait, that I'd be ok for a few more moments. 

A couple of minutes later, she called back and said that the Mr was insisting on going to a bakery he likes that's a 10 minute drive from the Dr's office, and then he wanted to go to the grocery store.  I said that I couldn't wait around for another hour or more, that I needed to get home - but that I also wasn't about to leave the Mrs unattended.   After a few more phone calls, we got the neighbor to come in and sit with the Mrs so that I could race home to meet the phone man.

He KNEW that I had an obligation today.  He KNEW.  He KNEW, but he didn't fucking care.  Fuck whatever I had going on, he wanted to go to the bakery and the fucking grocery store and NOTHING and NO-ONE was going to stop him.  He also KNEW that I wasn't going to leave his wife unattended, that I wasn't going to just take off.  He had me just where he wanted me.

For those of you thinking that I'm a total bitch, that he's just a poor old man who doesn't get out much, let me tell you this: he did the same kind of thing right before my mum came to visit.  I told him MONTHS before her visit that I was going to take some time off when she was here.  I wrote it down numerous times, I marked every single calendar in the house with the days that I would and wouldn't be there and I even created some calendars of my own so that he wouldn't forget.  A week before she was due to arrive, he cornered me in the kitchen and said "now look here!  You can't just be taking off like that! Who's going to look after me and the Mrs?!  We're just poor old folks, we can't look after ourselves!  You're going to need to be here!  You CAN'T take that time off!"

I went home in tears.  As I said before, I absolutely adore the Mrs, and I didn't want to lose my job and the opportunity to care for her.....but at the same time, I felt like he was asking me to put him and his wife before my family, and that's a no-no in my book.  NOTHING will come before my family, period.

My husband has surgery scheduled for next week.  I've told him that I won't be there for a couple of days, that I'll need to stay home to care for Dave.  He's already made a couple of comments about how he might have an appointment and that he's going to need me to run errands the days that I've said I'm not going to be there, so I fully expect him to do what he did before mum came and have a cow over my not being there.

Whilst I care about him and his wife, he's pushing me to my limit.  I've just about had enough ..... I'm about ready to quit.  I'm resentful, you see.  I resent his behaviour and attitude, and I'm afraid that that resentment will affect the quality of care I'm providing.  I'm afraid that that resentment will could my judgement somehow, that it'll skew the way I look at things when it comes to him and the Mrs.  I don't want that to happen; she deserves better than that.  So does he.

My husband keeps saying that the Mr needs to be reminded that my hours are 8am to noon, Monday to Friday; that I'm not at anyone's beck and call beyond those hours (except his that it - my husband, I mean).  I think that when I go in tomorrow I'm going to have to have a talk with the Mr and remind him of that. 

I may come home tomorrow afternoon with just one job.  Whilst I'll be sad to not see the Mrs every day, I also think that, should it happen, I'll feel this big weight be lifted from my shoulders. 

I'll let you know what happens.