Thanks

Very good response LW, thanks. I just didn't have the energy to address those points as of yet.

Lucas,

What you are describing would better be described as DESPAIR rather than depression. Despair is when outside events press in on you and overwhelm you, and yes it sucks, but the situation can usually be controlled. To be fair, sometimes despair is brought about BECAUSE of how depression was dealt with (eg, you stopped going to work and lost your job and didn't have enough initiative to get off the couch to make money and now the electric's being cutoff tomorrow unless someone comes up with $200 right away), but those things aren't depression. I've experienced both, and fortunately, through twelve years of marriage, have learned to communicate enough with my wife to have her help make sure some of the things are done to prevent things from piling up when depression DOES hit.

Fortunately, I've had only mild bouts over the past three years (depression and despair can have a cumulative effect, BTW), but I spent about a seven year stretch where there was more darkness than light. It's good to be back.

But there are different kinds of depression and different people have different symptoms. I cried all the time over everything and anything. I couldn't sleep but was always tired. I definately didn't care if I ate or not. You're right it's the whole nothing sounds good, who cares, kind of thing. I still experience some of this even though I'm on medication now. I did think that my depression was caused by my marital problems but my marriage has been much better and improving and that hasn't changed the feelings of depression.

I'd say you hit it right in the middle of the numbers, LW.

I've recently been diagnosed with clinical depression (in addition to finally being able to put a name to what's causing my chronic pain - fibromyalgia).

For the last 6 years, I've had a little ray of sunshine in my life in the form of my daughter. No matter how angry, upset, or what I'm concentrating on, her antics (especially when she climbs in your lap and gives you big hugs and smothers you with kisses) could always be counted on the bring a smile to my face. For a period of about 3 months, before I sought help, even a 'Chaela cuddle couldn't break my funk. I was so apathetic that even one of the things that would ALWAYS cheer me ... barely moved me. And that scared me more than anything else did. Looking back at it now, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how scary it was. I don't care about feeling angry, sad, happy, or even just bleh. It's the complete and utter LACK of feeling scares about my depression.

Mason - there's a lot of folks (mostly men, I've noticed. Stupid machismo.) that see seeking help as a weakness. I think that it makes a man stronger to be able to admit, even to one other person, that he needs help. I'm glad that I finally admitted it, to myself and my doctor. I'm also glad to see that you're not letting a sense of fatal pride keep you from admitting it too.

Good luck with the meds, Mason, and God bless you during this time.

THANK YOU, LW. I left this one alone because I heard that enough during my last bout. In fact, I think I mentioned it.

Oh yeah. I DID!

I agree, I think that's what she is saying here, but I also agree with LW and Gid that there are far too many ignorant people who do toss out that "if prayer doesn't fix it then you don't have enough faith" garbage. Somehow they associate this illness with some illness of the spirit instead of the physical illness that it is, so I can understand LW and Gid's reactions. I've heard it far too many times myself from ignorant, well meaning people who simply don't have a clue.

Little-whip, hold what you will against me for my comments, I can't change that...but I can and will try to clarify what I said and meant by what I said.

No where have I said anything against using meds to treat depression. I'm not against medication...and thank Almighty God that He gave men the intelligence and know-how that we have such.

I said:



"fits somewhere in the equation" means to me that meds are already a given and that prayer can be helpful alongside that.

In any event, Mason seems to understand what I said and what I meant...and that's what matters most.

Sorry, I missed this post earlier. I know exactly what you're talking about. My Dad went to war in 1939 as a 19 year old. He came home in 1945 (at age 24 , for God's sake), with a medal for heroism, shellshock and depression. He never recovered and became a bitter alcoholic with nightmares and a rage against the World. No Prozac or Efexor for him--nothing at all. The World that gave us sophisticated warplanes and radar etc, had no answer in the forties for depression. If my dad had had access to help he would have overcome many of his nightmares. He died young in his fifties and I hated him for decades (He was worth hating, I promise you), until I understood fully what he had been through and then I forgave him. Wherever he is, one night I spoke directly to him and I said: I understand now why you made our lives hell. Wish you'ld had more help. Wish you'd known how we thought our love for you might overcome it. I forgive you Dad. Forgive me too.

I weep and grieve for him everyday.