I'm sure that there are younger persons that would read my headline and say WTF? but bear with me a bit here.
Some years ago (sorry, not gonna give the exact number for now) I met the young woman that would become my wife, we got together, married, had children (who we are still raising) and lived a somewhat happy life. Along the way we hit financial bumps and the typical problems that young couples would hit. During those times, my wife's father (my father-in-law) was a great help to us, sometimes bailing us out, sometimes just advising, but always there if needed.
You see, for the most part I married a daddy's girl. My wife has had physical problems (dating back to a badly broken ankle years ago), and in playing the role (for the most part) of a stay-at-home mother for our children, we've struggled to live on one salary and what extra income my wife brings in through part-time jobs.
In those times, my father-in-law has helped us through or at least made sure we weren't sinking steadily. He has passed down his old cars, typically with low mileage from lack of heavy use, for my wife to use. Doing that has saved us thousands of dollars in not having to buy new vehicles. When that car has broken down he's been there to help cover the cost of major repairs.
Over the years though things have gotten tougher on my father-in-law too. When I first met him he was still an active government worker. If memory serves, approximately 5 - 7 years away from retirement at the time. He was a tough old guy, having been in the army for WWII (and just barely missing heavy combat during his service) as a young man. He was fairly physically fit, with no noticable problems short of the eye glasses he had to wear and some teeth that were just a little crooked.
It's been several years since those days though, and the man that I met back then is a shadow of himself now. He's had more physical problems in the last 5 years than I could count. Starting about 4 years ago with a hernia that bulged out so badly it was obscene (especially considering where the bulge was). He wound up getting that problem fixed but in doing so, as an elderly individual, he found himself weak after that.
One day he was outside his house, on a hill in his back yard when his wife (my mother-in-law) saw a turtle that she felt needed to be helped. She told him to go get the turtle and he wound up slipping on the hill, falling on his backside and banging his head on the ground. Banged bad enough that he had to go to the hospital by order of his doctor. It turned out he was bleeding on his brain (sorry, can't spell the subdural or whatever that word is, hemotoma) that had to be relieved. While that was being cared for he suffered at least 2 small strokes in the hospital.
Things have continued to get worse for him and now he is at a point where he is breaking bones as he falls while trying to use a walker. My mother-in-law (bless her soul) has to follow him and help him balance. She also has to help him use the restroom as he can't stand by himself.
Recently he fell again and broke his arm for the second time in as many months. He wouldn't sit still while his wife was showering and he fell down while trying to use the walker to go find something in the house.
My father-in-law is probably not that much longer for this world. Given his frailty now, I suspect (as does my wife) that sometime soon we'll get a phone call from someone saying he just passed away following a broken bone from trying to walk.
We have our son staying with my in-laws now, trying to help keep an eye on them, but he is a college student and has classes and school work that take him out of the home some of the time. Even when not there my in-laws know he sleeps during the day and they don't want to disturb him too much. They are old, but want their independence.
My wife and I have suggested that they should consider moving. They are now planning to swap space in their home and take the space that provides the easiest access to the outside world (their lower level of their 2 story home). Even then, my father-in-law is likely to wind up on the ground again soon. He is basically an invalid at this point but neither he nor my mother-in-law will accept that.
His doctor refuses to operate on him for fear he'd die on the table. He is suffering from an 80% blockage of his carotid artery (in his neck) that the doctors wouldn't work on, again for fear he'd die on the operating table. One problem compounds the other, and all of them have left him weak and probably stuck in his bed (though he doesn't accept that).
On the one hand he says he won't last much longer, but on the other he hasn't pushed hard with doctors to get the arterial blockage cleared which might help give him more strenght and better balance. Like I said, growing old sucks.
I know we all will age over time, but seeing what happens to some people as they age just reminds me how much damage age does to a body. It is sad that this is what happens to those of us that don't die at an early age or aren't lost to an accident before we reach the twilight of our lives.
I wish things would get better for my father-in-law, but I don't think that will happen. At this point I'm hoping that my father-in-law meets a peaceful end soon. I know it'll be hard on my mother-in-law, but in some ways it would also be a relief. It would be devestating for my wife, but again it would also be a relief. I wish things were different, but it's not something that I, or really anyone else, can control at this time.
