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Xythe

Join Date 12/2001

The Internet Helped Me Unlearn My Prejudicial Thinking

Growing up in a middle-class neighborhood in New England, I was pretty much sheltered from non-white people. In fact, the only Black, Asian, or Indians I ever really knew is what I saw on the television, or saw driving through the city – until one day.

My parents always watched the news, and we kids had to suffer through it for a half a hour before we could watch our programming. I remember hearing about racial desegregation, but as a young boy, I had no clue as to what any of it meant.

One cool September morning, one of those little mini school busses pulled up to the curb of my elementary school. Everybody watched as eight black kids got off the bus and became the first children of color ever to be enrolled into my school.

These eight new students were the first black folks many of us have ever come in contact with. It was also the introduction of racial difference into Prospect Hills Elementary School. There were many trials for all of us during the next decade or so until we all graduated high school and went our own ways into the world.

I like to think I’m not a racist, but I can’t lie to myself. Racism is a learned behavior, and my father and the adults in our community had little liking for people of other ethnic backgrounds other than our own; thus our education began.

It took many many years for me to unlearn much of this ugly behavior. Yet, no matter what I do, I know a residual of this malignancy still crawls up from my unconscious when I’m under extreme stress under certain circumstances.

Today we have the internet, a global village that brings people from all over the world right into our homes. The focus of this article is to share a positive experience of mine with you, that I believe both helped me unlearn a tad more of that lurking residue, and perhaps lessens racial prejudice in today’s world.

I have been using the internet since 1992. I learned quickly the use of IRC, news groups, forums, instant messengers, internet duplex voice communication, and now blogging. Never could I have the experience of knowing so many interesting and diverse people without the modern internet as a mode of global communication.

I used to frequent a site containing the typical list of chats. Over the course of several years, I had formed a few decent online relationships with some of the regulars, kinda like what goes on here at JU. Anyway, as it goes it came a point where 4 of us came together for a first time meeting at Starbucks. I new instantly who each person was as they rolled into Starbucks. One of the women for whom I had spent many hours in intellectual conversation (or as close as I can come to it seeing my mental incapacity), walked in, and guess what, she was black.

The ol’ deep-rooted prejudice began to creep in, and I started to feel a bit…weird I guess is a fair way to put it. But as I automatically rose to give her a hug, the feeling disappeared!! Now I have to admit, it seemed odd to me, as I imagined the closer I got to this woman, the stronger the weirdness would become. Honestly, after that fleeting moment when I first recognized her, my prejudice seemed to have simply vanished all together.

Now I’m not claiming that I was “cured” of my prejudice, but ever since then, that weird feeling comes upon me so much less than ever before.

I figure its because we had communicated without actually seeing each other so often to the point that we knew each other well. To be perfectly frank, at that point in my life, I don’t think I would have gotten close enough to really know this lady had we first met in person without the chatting online beforehand.

It might seem silly to some, but I think the internet made me realize something at a subconscious level, and may have partially reversed that ugly learned behavior I had gained from my childhood; a miracle as far as I was concerned.

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very good story! I had the advantage of being a Military Brat, so my prejudice was those civilians! Us Brats stood as one against them, and we did not think of the color of our skins. Just that we were US, and they were .......... THEM!

But I will tell you that the internet is truly colorblind. When I was dating, after my divorce (and being over 40), I was not going to do the bar scene or anything like that. So I did Match.com. I met many fine ladies, some of them black. But I was not seeing the color of their skin, just their profiles (some had pictures some did not) and their emails, chats and then phone calls. One of them said she was outside my age range (I did 5 years either side), but we became and are best of friends. Our lives were so similar, we started calling each other siblings! She is still a great friend to this day, and was at my wedding. She lives on the other side of the continent now (with her significant other who refuses to walk down the aisle again, but in every sense loves her, so I dont have to do a "brother" routine on him). But we keep in touch!

There was one prejudice I had to get over. She was born in Philadelphia (although she had lived many years in Virginia). For a yankee, she was pretty good!

Kind of like you, except you are not my type! Sorry, nothing personal, I just love the distaff ones.

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Tee hee

very good story!

Grassyass sinwhore

Kind of like you, except you are not my type! Sorry, nothing personal, I just love the distaff ones.

Maybe I could change your mind Doc...hhhmmmm *bats his lashes*

Tee hee

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Maybe I could change your mind Doc...hhhmmmm *bats his lashes*Tee hee

! Now boys.....

Xythe thanks for sharing your story. It's not an easy world to live in when everything keeps changing. Some people learn to accept changes and some don't. Some people are open to changes and exploring and that's always a good thing.

I can understand your reservations and what you felt. It's interesting, the Internet, it certainly does allow for interactions of many diverse people, not just racially but from every walk of life, and JU is definately one those places.

I think it's great that you were able to get to know someone who was different from you and accept that without reservation.

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I can say the same type thing.

The net has allowed me to know someone's mind, in as much as they want to share it, before "seeing" them. Yeah I know we aren't supposed to judge people by how they look...yeah right. That's unrealistic.

I don't mean race necessarily, though it does apply. Let me give an example.

As a child I lived poor. I was around people who put drugs and alcohol before anything else. They had a certain way they dressed, they often didn't shave, wore grungy jeans, and did certain things to their body. Now those things (like tattoos, piercings, etc) are fairly common in the culture. I learned very young these were not "winners" they were losers and I didn't want to be like them. And when I was old enough to make choices for myself, I headed as far a way from them as I could get.

Before the net.

The other day I was walking into a gas station. A guy with a long beard, grubby jeans, tattoos and chains on his hips (wallet?) was standing beside his Harley eating donuts. Before the net, I would have avoided his eyes and made a wide path around him. After all I know what kind of people dress like that right?

As soon as I saw him I heard that little voice....but I stuffed it down and walked right past him, looked him in the eye, and said "Good Morning."

He kinda choked because I think he was suprised I spoke to him. I am a suburban mom, and I look the part, I even drive a mini van....heh.

He said, "How you doing today?"

I said, "Fine, thanks."

And went into the store.

Now that may not sound like a big deal to you...but I can tell you it was the first time I voluntarily spoke to someone dressed that way, since I left it all behind me as a teen.

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Maybe I could change your mind Doc...hhhmmmm *bats his lashes

Not unless you got bazoombas! Eyelashes dont do it!

! Now boys.....

hey! Boys just want to have fun too!

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I moved to Miami from Alaska when I was 6 and I was in the doctors office for my first checkup and there was a black woman in the waiting room, the first one I had ever seen, and to my mothers horror I blurted out “Look mom the palms of her hands are still white” The women then replied “I guess I made it to the doctor just in time then”.

I feel fortunate having grown up in Miami and being exposed to a wide gamut of people from early on but I can still form early opinions about someone based partly on their race. I never act on those assumptions and they’re quick to be dismissed if unfounded with just some familiarity, but they’re there. It’s a dangerous world out there and not recognizing it soon enough can prove hazardous. So I jump the gun some times, it’s not prejudice I’m just using my life experience to try and give me a heads up on what to expect from someone new.

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Xythe thanks for sharing your story. It's not an easy world to live in when everything keeps changing. Some people learn to accept changes and some don't. Some people are open to changes and exploring and that's always a good thing.

The world is a dynamaic place by its very nature FS. People would be well advised to move within those dynamics as closely as possible; lest they be crushed out all the sooner. I'm betting that every person alive bears some sort of racial prejudice in their minds. The paradox is most all of us cant stand any part of it.

I think it's great that you were able to get to know someone who was different from you and accept that without reservation.

It happens a lot more often these days; that particular experience was an enlightenment.

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As soon as I saw him I heard that little voice....but I stuffed it down and walked right past him, looked him in the eye, and said "Good Morning."

Very similar indeed. Isn't it a cool feeling? It's almost as a burden has been lifted.

Now that may not sound like a big deal to you...but I can tell you it was the first time I voluntarily spoke to someone dressed that way, since I left it all behind me as a teen.

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...but I can still form early opinions about someone based partly on their race. I never act on those assumptions and they’re quick to be dismissed if unfounded with just some familiarity, but they’re there.

Like I said, many of us hold some deep-seated racial prejudice, yet we hate it. It takes constant vigilance whenever you're around the types of people that pull at that prejudice to be sure we don't offend these people. It takes even more vigilance to examine yourself, to recognize the prejuditial thinking, and to try and unlearn it.

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