Old man in Thrift store, to me: Why, you have purple hair....
Me: Why yes, I do! ( really do. Lavender and violet highlights and a dark brown base. And I meant it to come out that way)
Old Man: I'll betcha it just grows in that color, don't it?
Me, grinning: Yeah, somethin' like that.....
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Obviously tweaking skinny meth-head walking through Wal-Mart talking loudly to herself to me: What the fuck you lookin' at?
Me: You, beeatch. You're tweakin', and I'm watching the bugs under your skin. Oooh, bugs, crawlin' all over ya....bugs! Bugs everywhere! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Me to the Hunter spider that lives in the bush by my kitchen door: Sorry, dude. (I had just walked through his massive web that he'd spent days spinning between the bush and the carport post. This was said after I'd spat said web out and had made sure mister Spider was not in my hair *BUGS! EVERYWHERE!!*)
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Lansdcaping contractors (Read: mower monkeys) to me: BOOTYBOOTYBOOTYBOOTYRAWKINEVERYWHERE!!!
Me: Feck Orf. (given in sign language as I walked by. They thought I couldn't hear them because I had earphones in. I think they figured out that I could).
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Me to my husband as I looked out the window at fire trucks and a LOT of smoke and flames coming from the house across the street 2 nights ago: Damn! Their shit's on FIRE, dude! Like the whole house is ablaze!!!!!!!
Husband to me, sleepily: I told you before, don't call me DUDE.......
*As it happens, the whole house WAS ablaze. The fire started under the kitchen table (read: kids playing with matches) and the heat was so intense that it melted the glass in the windshields of the vehicles in the driveway and carport. They lost EVERYTHING, but everyone in the house escaped safely. I had something to say about Karmic recompense and how it will bite you in the ass, but have decided not to say it lest I be the one getting bitten shortly.....
