Recently, while searching the Internet I encountered a very interesting web survey with the caption, “How to tell if you are the annoying one at work?” Right away I am intrigued, as I read down even further I found a very interesting paragraph which contained the following statement, “Remember, there are countless ways to aggravate coworkers -- you can even annoy them by trying too hard to please or being too nice,” and the article goes on to encourage you to use your energy for good instead of evil.”
Needless to say, my initial thought was, “so what are all those countless ways to annoy my coworkers?” And, “do they really work?” Not being one that ever would dodge the necessity of doing strenuous research involving sitting at my computer making things up, I plunged in to the work necessary to uncover all the ways of annoying my coworkers. I quickly discovered there are indeed too many to count, in that there were more than 20 so I lost interest. I have however taken the most effective ways to annoy your coworkers and have listed them here, just so you can avoid them, of course, not that I would encourage anyone to actually do these.
You can make inflammatory radical political statements and should a coworker agree with you, quickly switch sides. This will help others see how politically diverse your opinions are and “foster dialogue.”
Force others to pay attention and listen to you as you make profound statements involving only clichés and catch phrases as if you just thought of the concept. Use your arms to dramatically emphasize obvious points.
Stand on the elevator facing backwards regardless of how anyone else stands, this seems subtle but you will be amazed how well it works. Also, insist on getting on the elevator before allowing the people on it to get off. While on the elevator talk to yourself loudly and if anyone says anything insist you are on the cell phone, even though you obviously don’t have one.
Another effective and annoying tact is to make up nicknames for all of your coworkers and then only call them the new nicknames, “Hey, Sherlock, can you help me out here?” or call everyone Honey, Dearest, Sweetie, etc. The latter is most effective if you say them in a way to suggest you are talking down to them, “Now Honey, you know we always do it this way.”
Ask for suggestions, then immediately say, “No, that’s wrong,” when someone gives you one. During meetings, ask if you can ask a question then deliver a long, impassioned description of a previous experience you had that is in no way related to the subject at hand. At the end, just as everyone’s eyes glaze over, ask, “What do you think?”
Wear an old tee shirt with the slogan, “I am with stupid” printed on it then follow a coworker around all day. On casual Friday, wear your bathing suit, and ask someone to put sunscreen on your back.
At this point you may be ready for next week’s column, “How to find a job when you really need one.”
