Gid, churches are made up of people, imperfect people. You only notice their imperfection when you take your eyes off God though.
I stopped looking for a church to be perfect a long time ago. I will never find it. And I wouldn't know what it looked like if there was such a thing.
I want to tell you something.
I was a "get up every morning at 5am to spend time with God for an hour of Bible study and prayer" kinda gal for many years. I attended church, taught Sunday school, volunteered for international ministries, and learned that indeed churches are made up people who are not perfect.
To enjoy and honor God during the assembly I stopped focusing on THEIR faults and started focusing on mine. Which was.....~drum roll~ finding fault and lack of love in others. (Which translates PRIDE.) God showed me to stop using my eyes to see them and start using His.
So I was happy in my church family.
Then I moved to Alaska for several years with no church family AT ALL. The only "church" available wasn't Biblical, and I couldn't listen to the garbage and not speak out.
You are walking away, I was forced away, but in the end I think its the same thing. Out of fellowship. Yes, I had Bible Study with a few for awhile, but you know what? It slacked off and then dripped to never. All the sudden I wasn't "hearing" from God as well as I used too. (You know how you can study a scripture during the week, talk it over with God, ask Him to please reveal what it means in your life, then you go to Church on Sunday and the Preacher's message is on that exact scripture or subject?)
I got that kind of thing every single week. Not to mention the days I'd ask God about something and then head out to a Christian fellowship (usually church sponsored) and someone would "happen" to bring up their personal experience with that scripture/situation without being prompted. Or someone would bring a family member visiting from out of town, whatever, but God was there speaking through them.
Here is what I lost when I was forced from that imperfect fellowship so many Christians take for granted.
I lost the ability to hear from God as often and as loud. I grew so accustomed to it, I didn't realize how much and how loud until it was GONE. Leaving in its place a sense of utter despair and abandonment.
I lost the ability to empathize with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The longer I was away the more sure of my belief I came...no one ever questioned it or made me search.
The world view that I could see stuck out like a sore thumb before, suddenly became less obvious, until finally it became part of my view. And if I were put on trial for being a Christian, there wouldn't be enough evidence to convict.
And I do believe there is something in corporate worship and prayer. Being in a room full of people who for the most part (I know there is chaff but we can not judge the heart) believe and praise the same God...it is powerful.
I lost my peace. Even though there was nothing I could do about forsaking the assembly (at least in my mind). That God sized hole He filled for so long, was once again GAPING and sucking the life out of everyone around me. Even knowing there was nothing or anyone who could fill it, I tried.
Besides our salvation, I believe God gave us fellowship as His next best gift. I know because I have lived with God WITH it and with God WITHOUT it.
I can't aptly articulate why I believe you should reconsider. All I can say is, I went into it with my eyes wide open, believing I could live without that imperfect fellowship of fakers....and today I can tell you it was the biggest lie I ever let myself believe.
I suffered, and more than I will ever be able to write here.
I hope you pray about it Gid....and ask for God's guidance. I can't believe he'd ever tell you to walk away.....but that is between you and God.
It is easy to point out people's faults (speaking from years of experience here). Hard to love them anyway.
Peace.
