Hello everyone, i am a bit down today, I guess it would help for you to all understand if I explained myself. I have always been a loner. I've never really felt the need to be attached to somone other than my immediate family and even then its usually just My mom and my brothers, my Father's relationship with me has never really existed. I am sitting here though and feeling suddenly very alone in life. I am to the realization now that I am 27 years old, alone and 350 some miles from my home in NY. This is home now and yet I am very much alone. Where did it go wrong? Where in my life did my mind suddenly decide that it needs someone other than just me in it? I am broken, or at least I feel broken. I excel at my job, I have many friends, but the one and only thing that I don't have is love, I've never known what it is to be loved by another. There are those in my life for whom I feel close to and should I lose those people I would certainly feel a great loss, so I know what it is to love them, but I don't know what it is to be loved. I don't feel complete anymore. Being gay shouldn't make this that much harder, but when you've been alone for so long, how do you know who to trust and who not to trust? Who will be the one to let in? I so yearn to feel another mans hand in mine to hug and hold and be in that one moment with someone. To each one that I feel I could though I know I can't because they are either straight or coupled with someone. If I could only feel love for one night, one quiet night of just exploring and enjoying another man, I could die a happy man, knowing that I comleted what every human on the planet wants.
It makes me very sad, so so sad. How does one ever overcome the feeling of solitude?
well I am tired now again, I shall return hopefully in a better mood
