I've been re-reading some of the entries I've made in this blog, and I'm now have to admit that I saw all of this coming. All of this trouble and betrayal. Loss. I saw it all, but I was just too scared to admit it. I don't know why. But, I am glad that I was at least semi-prepared. I went through a rough time a little under a year ago and I came through it... and so when things got really hard at the end of the year I was able to dig through it.
In the space of 4 months I have lost my mom, I have lost my faith in my ex-Fiance, I have lost the hope I used to carry in a future that will never now exist. I have started college, received a major promotion at work, and have learned that I'm not a horrible person - no matter how much abuse I endured, no matter what lies I've been forcefed.
Tonight I'm a new person. I've finally come full circle. I've got a whole new attitude on life. I can't describe it all... it's too insane, but I do have a way to describe parts of it. I'll talk about what I'm wearing. It's kind of silly but it's chock full of symbolism. I'm wearing these awesome jeans I bought two days ago that fit me really well and accentuate my better features. I had to buy them cause the clothes I bought last month are falling off of me now. I guess that's what happens when you don't eat very often. The shirt is also along the same lines. Very hot and very much a smaller size than the last shirts I've been buying. Also with the nicely of the making the boobs looks freakin' awesome. I've got my hair all down and flowin' and looking nice and all. I'm wearing this silver pentacle potion ring that I've had for years now. It has a broken clasp, but I still can't bear to part with it. I'm also wearing this new silver wire ring I got at the mall the other day. It's really neat and it's just so hippy of me to wear. I'm also wearing three of the rubbery charity bracelets that are so popular. I've got the ubiquitous "Live Strong", I've got a Children's Miracle Network bracelet and a Pink Breast Cancer fundraiser bracelet. These things are all so symbolic. I've got all these things I'm carring from my past represented on me (the pentacle ring, charity bracelets), but the major part is made up of all this new stuff that encompasses a much larger area. It's able to exist because of all of the changes in my life. Because I have so many new things going on and ultimately helping me move on.
There are new elements at work... and sometime I'm going to have to go into them all. However, it's Roomie's b-day today, so Ogre, Roomie and I are kind of hanging out. So I'll ttfn.
